


Supernova

by fujoshi_girl



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-27 15:58:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujoshi_girl/pseuds/fujoshi_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock has bonded with Uhura and transferred off the Enterprise to raise his family on Vafer-Tor. However, he is awoken one morning by the soul-trenching feeling of his heart breaking. What could have possibly happened?</p>
<p>  Warning: I am not an anti-Uhura writer by far but to throw in a little angst, this story just happened to form and who was I to say ‘no’. So, if you’re a Uhura fan, please don’t bash, I promise there will be more stories to come where she is much different. Also, there is a possible trigger: Parents who don’t have good relationships with their kids and the Partners they had them with. So, if that kind of stuff triggers you, I apologize in advance. You might not want to read it. However, it always provides good angst material . . .so that is what I went with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sudden Gravitational Collapse

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Chapter Notes:
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any and all of the works by Gene Roddenberry, his fellow creators, J.J. Abrams and his co-visionaries, and the Production Companies of TV Series and Films alike. Star Trek franchise is owned by Paramount Pictures, a division of Viacom. All the copyrights associated with Star Trek belong to them. These people are all truly gifted and their talent deserves any and all credit. The writer of this story is earning no profit. I merely claim influence towards writing of this story and the temporary borrowing of their characters, locations, and names. No animals were harmed in the making of this story. All characters were returned to their original states and locations where they may were once this story concluded. The only residual effects may have been a “Q” encounter-like memory loss. This writer hopes the disorientation is only temporary.

* * *

 

Stardate 2261.07  ~  Vafer-Tor 

 

     Spock lurched upward into a sitting position, his heart racing a frantic pace against his ribs. Sheer terror and an echoing scream filled his mind leaving him feeling sick. He sucked in a deep breath of air and tried to focus on where the sudden adrenaline rush had come from. An agony not his own filled his body with sharp, blinding pain. He wasn't quite sure if it was his voice pleading for mercy or if he was merely giving voice to the chanting words he heard in his head. Then, as suddenly as the terror and pain had appeared, it snapped vanishing as if it never existed.

     Disoriented, Spock attempted to calm his racing heartbeat and center his confused state of mind. What had that been, he wondered. Dread filled his stomach and heaviness weighed down on his limbs like lead.

     The house was quiet and it was much too early for anyone else to be awake. In the dim light, Spock turned to survey his bondmate as she slept beside him. Ignorant as to his state, she slept on. At times, being bonded to a psi-null did have its benefits.

     When he had questioned his father about his bond's lack of similarities with his parents' bond, Sarek had been unable to provide many answers. Amanda had always been able to feel Sarek and share his thoughts. However, Amanda had not been completely a psi-null, having tested at the lower end of the spectrum.

     T'Pau had just given him a silent reprimand that she was busy with Colony business. When he had approached Selek, he had been greeted with the coldest expression ever received by his counterpart. Selek's only reply being that it was not his place to say but Spock's duty to find out on his own.

     Spock took another deep breath before sliding off their sleeping pallet and made his way to the nursery down the hall. He couldn't get over the growing unease he was feeling. It was important to check.

 

* * *

 

     The room had only recently gained its first occupant. Much to the pleasure of Spock's father, the next in line to lead the House of Surak. Sarek had risen out of the depths of depression that had the healers thrilled at his recovery. As many of the surviving Vulcans on Vafer-Tor's new Colony had to accept hybridization as a possibility, Spock's heir had been welcomed. Spock and Nyota had even taken steps to strengthen that acceptance by doing IVF procedures on Vafer-Tor rather than on the Enterprise.

     After making their announcement about Bonding, they submitted their transfer requests from posting on a starship to the Colony Fleet office. McCoy had signed off on Nyota's request. The rest of the ship had wished them well. Or, so it had seemed at the time. Jim had abruptly pulled away from their friendship but Spock had little time to think about it when Nyota suddenly occupied all of his time. In the end, Admiral Pike had signed their transfers.

 

* * *

 

     Upon his entry into the child's room, he took a brief look to assess the infant's wellbeing. Nothing seemed wrong here and he would have surely felt the infant's distress through their familial bond-link. Though, Spock was unsure. T'sea may be his heir but at times she did not always feel like she was his. Was it T'sea who had the nightmare? A brief brush at her mind showed her dreaming of little else than the stars Sarek had whispered about while tucking her in.

     His mouth turned down at the memory of his Grandmother's reaction months ago to their news of the pregnancy. In the past, despite all differences, Spock had always felt a close kinship with T'Pau. She was never quite as severe towards his lack of Vulcan attributes.

     However, on that day, her lips had become tight and her displeasure was evident in her sudden use of High-Vulcan speech. Nyota, who had always bragged about her Vulcan fluency, had been left out of the conversation due to the complexity of T'Pau's vocabulary. It had also happened the day his bonding ceremony, where she had performed the rites in the most cold manner.

     Whenever he inquired as to why, her response was short and clipped. Stating that someday he might understand what his selfishness would cost him. He had always assumed it had something to do with taking a human as a bondmate rather than another Vulcan female.

 

* * *

 

     Making his way out of the nursery, Spock crossed the open expanse of the house towards his meditation suite. Perhaps he merely needed to re-strengthen his shields. Could it have possibly have been his bondmate experiencing a nightmare that he had absorbed whilst sleeping next to her? It had never happened before between them but his childhood memories could draw on references of times when Sarek had similar experiences with his Mother. Perhaps, this was a sign of their bond becoming more like that of his Parents.

     The robes he had slipped on in haste made a swishing sound, which broke the silence that encased the rest of the house. As he entered the suite, Spock suddenly felt too ill at ease to attempt to mediate. Something was nagging at him to check on those he cared about beyond those who lived within the walls of the house.

     Closing the door to the suite, he changed direction towards the library and his Comm unit. He first attempted contact with Selek, as his counterpart's age over his father's warranted a higher risk. When he was greeted with a busy signal and message option, he left a brief instruction to call back.

     Next, came Sarek, who despite having shared a meal with yesterday, did still suffer from the death of Amanda. Though, at the birth of a grandchild, he had an improvement in his health. When Sarek answered, Spock was relieved to discover that he father was more agitated over something wrong with his granddaughter than over his morning of his wife.

     Upon disconnecting the call from Sarek after promising a play date with his daughter, Spock was left with a deeply unsettled thought. If not Sarek, could it possibly be Selek. Even though the Comm had been in use.

 

* * *

 

     Attempting the call again to the House of Selek, Spock was greeted with a sight he was not all that prepared for.  Selek answered looking haggard and distressed, yet in his full faculties. The Comm unit was able to give Spock a clear view of Selek's bedchamber.

     An aide behind Selek was quickly packing a small valise. The young Vulcan's movements bespoke Selek's haste and the urgency of the impending voyage. Spock found his heartbeat slowed to a sluggish pace, as if his valve was moving tar through his veins instead of copper rich blood.

     Disturbed by Selek's lack of greeting and attention to departure details, Spock chose instead to greet his counterpart.

      "Why your haste, Selek? Has something occurred requiring your attention?" Spock spoke. "If so, I shall . . ."

      "Jim is dead." Selek's voice was flat yet it held so many emotions Spock couldn't be certain he had heard correctly.

      "What did you say?"

      "Our T'hy'la is dead. I am preparing to travel to join the Enterprise as we speak."

     Spock shook his head, as he was apt to do as a child when an equation refused to make sense.

      "Selek, I can assure you, Nyota is perfectly fine. I left my bondmate sleeping use little over 12.7 minutes ago."

     Selek's face twisted into an ugly grimace. The impression left Spock fearing for his counterpart. The face brought up memories of the Warriors before the Time of Surak.

      "I do not speak of that  **yeht-fam**  bondmate you took when lust clouded your eyes to truth. I speak of  _T'hy'la_. I speak of Jim. Whose  _body_ ," Selek's eyes closed in a pained expression of loss, "is being recovered from the wreckage as we speak."

     Spock felt himself go cold at his counterpart's speech. The venom that had slipped from Selek's lips as he spoke of Nyota should have had Spock jumping in defense of his bondmate. Yet, the instinctive protectiveness, common amongst Vulcans did not heat his blood. Did not drive him to challenge his counterpart's words.

      "The Enterprise would have notified me if there had been such an accident."

     Spock attempted to rationalize the situation though his words sounded like a weak excuse even to him.

     Jim could not be dead. 

     There had to be a mistake.

     Selek's face took on a stony appearance, while his eyes revealed the level of contempt he held towards Spock's defense. His lips twisted in a sneer as he spoke.

      "I have it on ' **good** ' account that the Enterprise has been  _unable_  to access your correspondence quadrants for over a year. I'm sure at this point even your most logical deduction would be that they had either given up trying or attempted yours when they did here but unlike you . . .I _answered_  mine! How could I not when I'm forced awake with the feeling of our bond tearing apart?" Selek's voice raised to the equivilant of a Vulcan shouting. The Aide raised his head in alarm.

     Spock felt at if his world was suddenly spinning on its very accesses. Selek had been awoken as well. Then, the busy signal he had given had been while Selek was speaking to the Enterprise. But, there had been no messages when Spock had come into the room. No warning light or tone to indicate that he had been contacted. Something was not right.

     Selek could be seen shuffling PADDs and data chips into a small carrier while speaking almost to himself.

      "To think I would have to awaken like this for a second time in my long existence. To hear Jim, suffering in pain and not be able to stop it. To feel his terror and know I was not able to shield him from it. I promised myself that I would not let this happen  _again_."

     Selek's words were brittle and small, like that of child holding a dying bird in his hands. A child who learns in that instant that they are not infallible and their lack of ability makes them unable to save something without more skills.

     Selek turn to look towards Spock once more when he heard Spock's intake of air at his words.

     "Could it be that is what woke you, Youngling?" Selek's words coated with honey-silk, laced with the venom of betrayal. "Did you awake to a feeling so strong followed by a dying echo of our T'hy'la's final scream?"

     Spock could only tremble at the righteous anger of his counterpart. Never had he seen Selek so angry.

     "Now if you will forgive me. My preparations are complete and I must make my departure." Selek paused for a moment before leveling Spock with a furious look.

     "I wish I had never entrusted such a precious gift to you. Your fate was to have been always by his side." Selek words cut deep within Spock. "Instead, I'm told he died  _alone_."

     Selek disconnected the feed it a quick jab at the controls. Spock could only blink dumbly at the device on his end. Numbness was settling into his heart as the reality of Selek's words became clear.  _Alone_. Jim had died  _alone_.

 

* * *

 

     Spock felt breathless while his heart pounded a frantic pace against his ribs. His fingers shook as they brought up the communications settings for the house and all of his mobile devices. The screen lit up and the systems begun the processing of meeting his request.

     Dread filled his body when the house settings appeared. Something was very wrong. While the settings on the surface appeared normal to the average eye, there was something that seemed to be hidden within the system. Not only affecting the house but it appeared to be universal. Even Spock's work devices seemed to be affected. He'd have to go into the code to confirm his suspicions.

     Calling up the commands needed to essentially 'hack' his own house, Spock accessed the codes necessary to operate the Communications. He read through lines and lines of routine settings before he found it. Buried deep and partially disguised in hopes to trick the untrained eye. However, Spock was not untrained nor was he unfamiliar with disguise.  _Jim_. . .Jim had uses tactics like that frequently in both his chess and in his codes. But these were not Jim's clever codes. No, these had the familiar touches of Enterprise's former Communications Officer.

     Spock kept reading and soon felt sick to his stomach. The codes present restricted all incoming communications from the Enterprise. He was the directed to a backlog cache of messages. Cleverly hidden behind several firewalls, each with individual locked passwords. He swiftly accepted the challenge and demolished the firewalls.

     His eyes widened. So many messages; many were from Jim but not all yet everyone of them with the Enterprise as the transmitter of origin.

     Details of the cache indicated that it was scheduled for deletion at a time when Spock was to be away from the house main frame. Scooping up a secure data chip, he began backing up the files in a second location on one of Spock's personal drives. Then, he saved a duplicate back up to the chip. Once finished, he returned to his personal drive to protect the files behind layers of Vulcan algorithms so difficult, only Selek would be able to know how to break them.

     Once finished with these tasks, Spock leaned back. Within his palm rested what looked to be easily six months of messages. His body trembles as his fist tightens around the chip. He knew without a doubt that there had probably been more messages but the cache was set to wipe its contents from the main frame at a specific reoccurring date. A date where Spock would never be at home, occupied with  _familial_  duties.  _Family_.

     Suddenly, that concept left him cold. It would take a hacker better than him to recover any files that had been removed from the system, yet he doubted they could honestly be recovered. What had been said in those lost six months to the void? What had been sent in desperate hopes that he could receive it?

     It was then, and only then, that Spock decided to watch the latest communication. As his fingers typed the commands to playback to Comm, Spock noted that the time was roughly after the time he had awoken.

     The Comm blinked and faded . . . then suddenly the recorded face of Lt. Montgomery Scott speaking greeted Spock.

      "Stardate 2261.07, this Lieutenant Scott . . .I mean Acting Captain Scott requesting to speak with Commander Spock. There has been an incident on the Enterprise and I must request to be able to speak to Commander Spock right away."

     Spock's heart roared to life painfully in his side as he watched carefully at the human's body language. It spoke volumes.

      "Shit. I donna kno' what to do anymore. Please this is an Emergency Hail from the Starship U.S.S. Enterprise. Please Respond."

     Spock cut off the message; unable to watch the horrifying look on Scotty's face when it became evident the message he was sending to Vafer-Tor was not being received. How long he sat in silence allowing his tears to fall, he would never tell.

 

* * *

 

     Spock stood and then walked out towards the terrace. Vafer-Tor was a pleasant planet, though, it was nothing like that of Vulcan. Vulcan had been truly desert-like, where as Vafer-Tor could retain more water due to its atmosphere. So, unlike Vulcan, Vafer-Tor had lakes. It was not tropical in terms of its humidity, but it did get muggy. Nyota loved it and said it reminded her of the topics of Earth. Personally, Spock hated it.

     Yet, now, looking out upon the lakeside view from their terrace it dawned on him how wrong everything was. Looking down at his fist, he saw the chip still there. He knew what he needed to do.

 

* * *

 

     Nyota awoke to the day with a laziness that showed as she stretched. She had a delightful dream last night and now she was looking forward to T'sea last few days of nursing. It had been delightful to learn that Vulcan babies didn't require as long nursing as human ones because Nyota had suffered from over-sensitivity during her pregnancy. Foreplay was one thing but T'sea teething was something completely different.

     As she rolled over, she noted Spock's absence from their sleeping pallet. Though not unusual, it did make Nyota a bit irritated that he wasn't around to pleasure her. After all, was it too much to ask for a morning quickie? They had been so busy lately with work and T'sea had been such a tricky pregnancy that they had been limited in their alone time.

     Nyota had all but thrown a hissy fit when their Vulcan healers had dictated that it would be in child's best interest that they abstain from relations. She hadn't worked so hard to have her labors thrown in her face.

     If there was one thing  _she_  could give Spock, that no one else could, it was T'sea. Now, that she was here why should Nyota be denied her dues?

     Rolling off the pallet, she wrapped herself into a meditation robe, which had been a gift to her from Sarek. The Vulcan had been overjoyed at the idea of the House of Surak gaining an heir. It was made of the most delicious material and the color was divine against her skin tone. Spock had complimented her continuously on it.

 

* * *

 

     Nyota began her search in the typical locations: kitchen, bath, and living room. When those locations failed to reveal her bondmate, she continued on to the terrace. The view still took her breath away but still no Spock. Her next logical step was to check the Mediation Suite but it was dark and empty. She backtracked to the Nursery, but only T'sea was there still sleeping.

     She began to question if Spock had told her that he had work in the morning. Spock so rarely spent time in the library, as that was her safe haven and not his. However, if he wasn't in the library that would confirm that he had risen early for work and she had merely forgotten.

     As she pushed open the door, she felt her stomach drop. The Comm was open and displaying a readout from a passenger manifest.  Next, to the station was a valise that was clearly packed for travel. She didn't like wherever this was going. They had no plans to go off world. Their jobs were scheduled to have them busy for the next couple of months at least. She should know, as she had been working carefully for months on her plan.

     Nyota was so lost in her thoughts she did not hear her bondmate re-enter the library behind her.

     "What surprises you more Nyota?" Spock's voice was devoid of any warmth. "That my name is on the passenger manifest or that I could possibly have a reason to leave Vafer-Tor that is not of your choosing?"

     Nyota spun around and felt her heart thud heavily against her chest. There standing next to Spock was T'Pau, in all her high and mightiness. She wasn't exactly sure what was going on but she shook her head in denial.

      "Spock. Whatever can you mean?" Nyota feign ignorance to her thoughts. "If T'Pau has something you need to do for her, you must know I wouldn't have stopped you from leaving?"

      "And if I was to tell you it was not for T'Pau but for myself, what then?"

     Nyota suddenly didn't like it that her bondmate was speaking in a tone she could never remember him using with her. With others, yes, but never with her.

      "Surely that means whatever it is, it can wait until our work is done. When we can go together. Why cannot it wait until all of us can go? You know T'sea is still nursing and the healers have denied travel until she is older."

     T'Pau took on a look much like she had when Spock had made the announcement of her Pregnancy and their Bonding ceremony. Nyota thought it made her look like she had been sucking on a bitter fruit for hours. They had been at odds since their first introduction and T'Pau never let her forget that in the House of Surak it was  _her_  word that was Law. It chaffed Nyota extremely.

      "And you forget the words we spoke when I agreed to extend the protection of my House and Clan to you."

     Nyota gave a toss of her hair and made a huffing sound. T'Pau's eyes took on a shine, like that of a large predator stalking its prey.

      "We agreed to be honest and fair with our emotions. That we wouldn't keep secrets or tell lies." Nyota quoted absently.

     Spock raised his eyebrow, much in the way he had often done on the bridge of the Enterprise. At that thought, Nyota's stomach clenched and black spots danced in front of her eyes. The Enterprise. Her eyes darted away from Spock to look at the Comm device. Surely it couldn't have been a call. There could be no way, she had made sure of it.

      "You are human, so you know little of the Ancient ways." T'Pau spoke in her level tone. Her Standard was  _flawless_. "Not even Amanda truly learned all there was to learn about our culture and she was married to my Son. She was Mother to my Grandson. You, who know nothing, should never assume to know all."

     Nyota's eyes flew to her bondmate's and felt her world stop. Spock was no longer looking at her with the familiar eyes of the man she was most intimate with. His eyes were filled with betrayal and distrust. Cold and vacant, they were eyes void of the love she once believed they held.

      "My T'hy'la is dead." Spock spoke in a tone she had never heard before.

     Nyota made a sound of protest and stepped forward as her arms moved to reach towards Spock.

      "That isn't true! I'm right here. Spock! I'm right here . . ."

     Spock cut her protests of with a gesture that offered violence if she were to step closer. Spock's calm Vulcan exterior cracking wide open to reveal a storm of human emotion brewing underneath the surface.

      "My T'hy'la has died. I awoke this morning to the  _feeling_ of him dying. You would still lie to my face even now? You, who has done everything to keep us apart and me from knowing him as he should have been known to me as was his right. You kept me from treasuring him in the way of my People and the way of my heritage! With so few of us remaining, you have deprived me of my T'hy'la and allowed him to died not knowing I was his."

     Spock's body was trembling down with an anger that bespoke violence and a rage she had never seen. Nyota could still not understand his rage or the reasons for it.

      "Spock, you are not making any sense! I do not understand you. I cannot understand you. What do you mean T'hy'la? I'm your bondmate!"

     T'Pau gave what was almost an undignified snort. Nyota fixed a glare on the woman and wished her fingers had the strength of a Vulcan. If they were, she would have strangled the woman by now.

      "This is why I was so against you bonding with this  **yeht-fam** bondmate in the first place, Spock. But no, you would not listen."

     Nyota gapped at the Head of House's use of a term she was more familiar with used elsewhere. Never had she heard it used at implying that one bondmate was more real than another. T'Pau levied Nyota with a look that implied that whatever came next was going to change everything.

      "This is why as the Head of House I consent to your request."

      "Thank you, Grandmother. I have submitted the forms to the Clan archive."

     Nyota's head moved from side to side as if she was in a tennis match only barely getting by with her fluent High Vulcan. How she hated it when the two of them spoke like that.

      "I do not understand you. Consent? Request? What are these forms of Spock's?"

     Nyota began to feel her own anger mounting. The conversation made little sense.

     Spock gave her a look that left her body cold. He walked towards the Comm unit and switched it to a new screen before spinning it to face towards Nyota. There in all its naked state was her hidden cache of intercepted Enterprise communications. Soon window after window popped up of each message from various crewmembers of the Enterprise. Each one voicing concerns as to their lack of responses.

      "Spock, I was merely sifting through our communications so the stuff that needed immediate attention came first." She backtracked coyly.

      "I have it on  **good**  authority that I have not received a single communication from the Enterprise for over a year until today. After I had to hack into my own main frame to discover you have been deleting messages addressed to me. That you had done this, not only to this Comm but any and all I had access to, even ones I use for the High Council. I have submitted this as evidence towards your deliberate betrayal of our bond and proof that you were depriving me of my T'hy'la. Expect to hear from the Clan lawyer upon my return. I depart now for the Enterprise."

     Nyota all but screamed at Spock. He could not be doing this to her. They were bonded. They had T'sea. She had done nothing wrong. Spock said nothing further but grabbed the valise and turned to look at T'Pau as he walked from the room. The roaring in her ears was deafening and she rounded on T'Pau to finish the fight.

 

* * *

 

      "You can say nothing in your defense. I have no sympathy towards you. Know this, T'hy'la is the bond held above all other bonds amongst Vulcans. It is sacred and is from a time that pre-dates the Time of Surak. It was so rare and special before we lost our home world. Now with so few of us, that you would deprive my Grandson of this is unspeakable. Let alone a crime punishable in Vulcan Law. Be thankful that Spock only wishes to dissolve your bond and grant his custody of T'sea to Sarek." T'Pau voice sounded like nails on glass to Nyota.

      "But he can't! She's his daughter! I won't let him dissolve our bond!" Nyota swore.

     T'Pau straightened her shoulders and shocked Nyota when her lips stretched in a smirk. Nyota shuttered.

      "Oh, believe me, he can and he will. He will also do so with the full backing of the House of Surak and the Vulcan High Council. You see they didn't take too kindly when both my Grandson and Ambassador Selek had to suddenly depart the planet. Nor, did they like to discover the reasons why. So, my suggestion would be to take the bitter pill offered rather than the possible alternative. Also, be thankful that Spock is willing to just grant his side of the custody to Sarek. Should he take you to court you would find yourself losing everything including the opportunity of watching T'sea grow up. They would immediately grant Spock full custody. But, he is willing to be gracious and not pursue his rights."

     Nyota could not conseal her shock upon hearing the words T'Pau was putting into fact.

      "Though, of course, I cannot promise you will be able to stay employed on Vafer-Tor now that both the High Council and Starfleet have been made aware of your foray into their computer banks. Honestly, whatever gave you the idea that Spock would not be able to snuff you out? That code structure was so elementary even a six-year old Vulcan could solve it. But, you were clever in your diversion. I will give you that. Distract Spock by getting pregnant and hiding something no one else at the High Council would be trying to deny access to. Only, you did more than deny Spock access to the Enterprise, you denied the High Council access to Starfleet's Flagship. Foolish girl."

     Nyota felt nauseous and she reached out to grasp the tabletop. This could not be happening to her.

     "You will have an appointment scheduled to meet with the High Council soon as to your security status. Consider yourself on personal leave. Upon Spock's return you will be needed at the ceremony to dissolve the bond you now share. Don't worry, our best healers will be on stand-by should there be complications. However, as you are not Spock's T'hy'la and are psi-null, it is merely a formality at this point. After all, the paperwork was submitted and I have approved. Good day."

     T'Pau gave a slight tilt to her head but offered no Vulcan formality as she swept from the room. Once Nyota heard the front door click close she crumpled to the floor to sob. Heavens curse, James T. Kirk! He had finally done it. He had stolen Spock away.

 

* * *

 

     Faintly, in the background, she could hear T'sea crying from the nursery but she could careless. She had only had her daughter in hopes to tie Spock to her and break the ties he had formed with Kirk. Soon, mother and daughter were crying in tandem with no one to comfort them.


	2. Thermal Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has bonded with Uhura and transferred off the Enterprise to raise his family on Vafer-Tor. However, he is awoken one morning by the soul-trenching feeling of his heart breaking. What could have possibly happened?
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: I am not an anti-Uhura writer by far but to throw in a little angst, this story just happened to form and who was I to say ‘no’. So, if you’re a Uhura fan, please don’t bash, I promise there will be more stories to come where she is much different. Also, there is a possible trigger: Parents who don’t have good relationships with their kids and the Partners they had them with. So, if that kind of stuff triggers you, I apologize in advance. You might not want to read it. However, it always provides good angst material . . .so that is what I went with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just a note to all readers, I've taken liberties with the use of Starfleet’s Earth Spacedock NC-7011S as in TOS. This is all highly speculative since the drawings for the schematics are from a fan-based site and NC-7011S is a rumored ILM marking from one of the Art Dept. illustrators. It was listed as being built prior to Star Trek III film but its Stardate was about a twenty some odd Stardates more than mine. In Abrams-verse, the film shows a fraction of the station’s design unlike TOS-verse films. So, I beg you keep a liberal mind.
> 
> I have used several separate sources to cover the call signal and the general interior schematics as a reference and built upon it to fit the story. So, if anyone has complaints, I apologize in advance. I’ll provide a bibliography later if you wanted to check up on where I found my references. Plus, these amazing people have provided us writers with great materials to be inspired by. In my defense, this gives Scotty a great opportunity to drool, as I’m guessing his posting to Delta Vega meant he missed out on a lot of the NC-7011S construction period. Also, please note, I have other chapters in the works but took the advice of a Goddess and decided to show you Selek’s arrival on the Enterprise.
> 
> ND: I do not own any of the rights or creative licenses for anything Star Trek. More creative minds than my own generated these works, so they deserve all royalties and proper praise.

 

* * *

 

Stardate 2261.09  ~ Spacedock (Earth)

 

     Selek had been able to make good time in his effort to get to the Enterprise and her remaining crew. However, he had felt hollow during his entire trip, like a dull blade had been skewered through his ribs and thrust into his heart. Loosing Jim for a second time, in such a similar way as to the first, might very well drive him to submit to Kolinahr.

     He had just exited his second transport and was making his way across the Spacedock when he was able to catch a look of the Enterprise through an inner porthole. She was docked within the inner hull of Starfleet’s largest enclosed docking facilities.

     The incident had left a vast amount of damage to the external hull of once beautiful Flagship. A deep sense of dread had filled Selek in that moment. The flashes of Jim’s fear, the intense pain that had filled his body for a second time in his many years came back in his mind all over again at the sight of the Enterprise and the jagged hole that revealed what was left of the port nacelles and rear decks. Jim would have had little time to feel anything before being lost to the vacuum of deep space.

     Selek’s  _katra_  begun to weep at the thought of his friend Jim and how Selek's now second absence had prevented him from stopping the event. It had been times like this Selek truly hated having a photographic memory; as images of Jim’s face over the past few conversations they had had now revealed more details as to the suffering his friend had felt. He may not have been his own James, but Selek’s mind had called to this Jim in the same way all his Mirrors had.

 

* * *

 

     As he had made his way to the docking bay, Selek had inwardly reflected at the hollowness in his side which seemed as if to grow at each footstep. He had gone without sleep since he had last spoken with Acting Captain Scott. His sleeplessness had little to do with Vulcans Arcadian rhythms and had everything to do with a deep worry for his friends on the Enterprise. Jim’s death would have left a similar hollowness in each of his friends and crewmembers.

     His status within the High Council and amongst a select few of Starfleet Admirals allowed for Selek to get the security clearance needed to now board the dry docked Flagship. The Enterprise’s now Acting Captain had all but begged Selek to come to his aid. The Emergency had left the Lady damaged in ways the Scotsman found impossible to explain or to ascertain how to properly go forward with the repairs. The man had not been above calling in favors to insure whatever it was that had hurt his Lady never would claim lives again. If that had meant using Selek and his vast knowledge from a parallel universe, then time continuum laws be damned.

     It helped his cause that Star Fleet felt the same; they were terrified and enraged that an undocumented natural force was strong enough to seriously damage its Flagship while also depriving them of a gifted Captain.

     The Enterprise’s impressive security staff held his data chips while they had done sweeps to his luggage. As Selek had been waiting, he heard a familiar voice calling out to him. He had turned to find the Scotsman striding towards him, looking exhausted and worn in ways that the man never had before. Obviously, the Chief Engineer had been skipping meals while pulling double duty to fill the shoes of Acting Captain. It would be just like the man not to allow anyone to touch his fine Lady or to completely trust another Engineer to fill his shoes. Keenser would have been doing many of the hull repairs on the fly and Selek knew that even then Montgomery Scott would not have pulled his fellow engineer away to fulfill duties that the Chief Engineer could still attempt.

     “Och aye, tis good to see you, Selek. Good to see you.”

     Selek grasped the man in an embrace so unlike what the beings around them would have thought of Vulcan behavior, that many openly stared. Montgomery had gone ridged for a moment before lowering his forehead to Selek’s chest to allow a few tears to escape without being seen by his Security officers. He had not allowed himself to truly relax save until then when he knew that the Vulcan would stand guard.

     “I take it you have a story to tell me.”

     Scotty looked up and had slowly composed himself back into the role of Acting Captain needed so desperately by his crewmates in that moment.

     “Aye, the Enterprise is a mess. Her CMO will be needing to see you after you board.”

     Selek knew that there was a hidden message in those words. It was not just merely to inform Selek as to the physical state of the ship repairs needed but also the emotional damage the remaining crew was suffering. They shared a look and then Selek inclined his head while turning to follow in the Scotsman’s footsteps.

     Selek had been a useful name once to take on as an identity. It suited his purposes and provided him the types of access his needs may require. As the elevator shuttled them to the appropriate station level, Spock let his mind drift. As his thoughts drifted inwards he reflected on the words he had traded with his younger counterpart. Vulcans did in fact have the capacity to lie, alter, deny truth to suit their individual needs. Much like a scientist can alter their findings. A bit unethical and highly questionable however not something unholy heard of.

     Selek had not lied when he said that Jim was dead. He had felt the mental bond of both friend and family that they had formed snap. Very similar to that of when he had lost his own James T. Kirk. There were many ways to die but not die in Space. That was why it was so important that a Spock was paired with a Kirk. To keep each other alive while bending the Universe to their wills. Only this time, Jim had been alone. Just like his James had been.

     Selek had been all but inconsolable for months after the loss of his T'hy'la, not even the presence of a visit from his father and mother had been able to snap him out of the terribly mind-numbing grief. It had finally taken a visit from his Leonard McCoy that he had found some solace in a friend who truly could value the depth of Selek's loss.

     The rage at his discovery of this Jim's death, which had been white hot at first, now many stardates later had tempered to a heated glow. This timeline's Spock had been a fool and he for one was not going to be the one to inform him that they each now suffered the worst of fates.

     A life lived knowing that one's bond was never formally severed by death.

     At times of rest he had tried to reach out towards the bond he had shared with this timeline’s Jim and he found that whilst their bond was severed, something which he could not explain lead him to believe that Jim lived on. However, not in a way that could ever allow their paths to cross in this lifetime. Echoes which could be faintly made out but never intellectually heard.

     But, at least, the man he loved lives. Small comfort but it served as a painful reminder as to what should have been. Or, as it was known in Vulcan Culture, a Living Death. To be unable to touch and seek comfort in the mind of your bondmate. Historically, it was a state that often drove Vulcans who suffered from it into a state of madness or suicide. 

     Selek could only count his blessings that his survival had hinged on techniques learned during stays at a few ancient Vulcan monestaries. Monestaries which now no longer existed after the destruction of Vulcan in this timeline. The suicidal tendencies had been tempered by intensive mediation rituals but he would always suffer from a lack of touch with his T'hy'la.

     Jim's presence had helped but now he had lost both. Meditation would be a nesscessary evil this evening. But first, Selek must locate the Enterprise's CMO.

 

* * *

 

     The compressed hiss of air heralded Selek’s entry into the Enterprise’s Med Bay. During the pair’s walk to the Flagship, Scotty had debriefed Selek in the non-classified details about the Engineering repairs. Any Classified details would have to come in another secure debriefing later. However, the Scotsman was eager to get Keenser started on any repairs that the Ambassador felt needed no wait. The man truly loved his ship.

     The counterpart to Selek’s own CMO was standing beside on of the sickbay beds, restocking what looked to be the interior hypo dispenser banks. Without turning a gravel soaked voiced welcomed Selek’s presence with a humorless tone.

     “If you are looking for a physical, I’m going to need you to wait until I can Comm Nurse Chapel to come observe. Just give me a chance to secure this panel.”

     Selek frowned at how utterly worn out his friend sounded. For no matter what timeline Selek found himself in, Leonard McCoy would always and will be a friend. For him to be this tired was not a good sign.

     “You may take all the time you might require, Leonard. I am here for you, after all.”

     The exhausted man jumped at his voice and then let loose a string of curses when the panel slipped down, crushing several hypo-sprays in the process. Between the look of horror at destroying medical supplies and the disbelief with Selek’s physical presence clearly written over Leonard’s face, a chuckle was nearly torn from Selek's lips.

     “I didn’t know you were coming,” Bones voice was whisper thin but full of emotion. “Oh, God. You felt it happen, didn’t you? That’s how you knew to come.”

     Selek quietly observed his friend and took note of all the warning signs of shock that would indicate that the CMO might be ignoring himself. Denial always did effect Leonard McCoy in unique ways. Bones had always been his own worst patient after all, no matter the timeline. Selek was going to need to make sure then man ate and got a proper night’s rest now that he was here.

     “You are partially correct. I also received a distress call from Scotty as soon as Communications were restored. I believe that happened shortly after M’Beta had to sedate you. Scotty seemed to have felt that it would be best to insure I got here as soon as possible.”

     Bones face slipped into a stoic mask and his masculine frame slumped slightly. Clouded eyes, once brilliant, soon filled with unshed tears. The husky southern drawl whispered out a breathless prayer of thanks.

     Selek chose to ignore the quite mutterings out of respect for his friend whom in his distress had forgotten Vulcan frequency response. Also, the man said nothing that he wasn’t already aware he had said to himself.

     “I grieve for thee.” Selek said as he made eye contact with Leonard.

     Bones just nodded and he swallowed back a sob. He turned a way for a moment presenting Selek with his shoulders as he struggled to get composure. With a shake of his head, he shivered like a race horse to get ride of his grief. Something Selek suspected would have never happened in the presense of another member of the Enterprise crew.

     “Chapel is still kicking herself for having to knock me out.” Leonard confessed. “I don’t even remember how she got up behind me. I just remember we were monitoring the vital signs of all the crew members.”

     Bones spun to look at Selek once again.

     “Suddenly, Jim’s readings popped up. . .the brat wasn’t even suppose to be in that section of the ship. . .his readings were like the others and then they just were gone. Selek, the red alert. . .it happened so quick I didn’t even get to say good-bye. That bastard, he didn’t even give me a chance to say. . .how goddamn much. . .I’m going to miss him.”

     Selek watched as Leonard started to fall apart in his grief all over again. Slowly, like walking up to a Sehlat, he approached to pull the silently sobbing man into his arms. In low whispers, Selek recited a pre-Surakian poem on grief for shieldmates.  They remain there, in quiet conference, for several hours.

 

* * *

 

     Hours after abandoning his doctor’s counterpart, Selek found himself standing in the Captain’s Quarters of Jim Kirk. The waves of emotions he felt all but threatened to consume him.

     The similarities and the differences between this Universe’s version of James T. Kirk and his own T’hy’la were such that he hadn’t been sure what he would find.

     The quarters were neat and utilitarian but that did not negate clutter. Nothing had been moved as of yet, so what was so startling was how everything looked lived in. The closets and drawers showed signs for Jim's eclectic fashion sense. Also, that the man would drop clothes in mid-though if they were unnecessary. The bookselves held several hard bound books, which indicated that Jim did in fact take after Selek's own James when it came to reading materials.

     Jim’s desk bore the markers that while he had a ready room elsewhere on the ship, this had been his desk of choice to conduct ship’s business. PADDs, Comm discs, and Data chips littered the surface in a disorganized workflow that perhaps not even Jim’s yeoman had learned.

     A rumpled bed indicated that Jim had not been sleeping restfully nor had he taken the time to straighten the covers. McCoy had said that Jim hadn’t even been meant to be in the area of the accident, it seemed like a high likelihood that he had been awoken by some sixth sense of danger.

     Selek trailed his hand briefly over the pillows in a human like gesture of desire to catch the ‘warmth’ trapped there. Only the bitter truth was that Jim had been gone not just hours but days prior.

     He walked to the window of quarter’s where he almost felt instinctively was the spot his T’hy’la counterpart stood to watch the stars. Observation decks above and below would be tempting but they would not provide Jim the solitude of both his work space and the stars.

     With a heavy sigh, he slipped his hand into his robes and pulled out a chain holding two holo discs. The first one was well-aged and the technology clearly advanced. Slick in its lines and engineered by the use of yet-discovered materials, it contained an image of Selek’s own T’hy’la shortly before he had lost James to the Enterprise-B. It was his treasure and kept always by his heart.

     Next to it was a second disc, bulkier and less refine in it’s artistry but mainly due to its lacking of the necessary materials, which contained a message which now Selek considered equal to his first treasure.

     Sliding his fingers over the scanner to activate, he took a deep breath in and waited. The holo disc engaged and soon an image appeared.

     A series of pops and crackles could be heard as the video engaged. With it came a series of audible curses as the speaker began to fret that the device had failed to record. As the image flickered into focus, a beautiful youth sat back down in front of the recorder with a look of chagrin. His lips twisting in a smirk before laughter bubbled up and out of his throat. Its infectiousness enough to force Selek to lift an eyebrow. So much honest affection was recorded in that man’s smile and his eyes.

     “ _Hi, Old Friend. I guess you could call this a surprise but I’ve probably made a muck of that introduction so I’ll just stick with this as is. I have to do this quick because Scotty will kill me if he finds out I used parts for this from Engineering’s new pet-project."_

Selek was still amazed at how within the palm of his hand rested a fuctioning device that he had never physically told Jim about. Yet, here was proof of its existance and obvious connection to the original one engineered by his James.

_"Don’t ask me how I knew how to make this, I just knew. I wanted to talk to you about how grateful I am that you have chosen to stay. I know that this Universe it not your own but even though I know you ever talked about it, I know somehow my presence here helps that broken bond of yours."_

Selek watched as Jim's ghost provided visual evidence as to how much he was tempted to charge out into the black to right a wrong he felt Selek's T'hy'la had committed. 

 _"I really wish I could kick my counterpart’s ass for leaving you. I know he didn’t mean to, but whatever his intentions, they still didn’t help if you still ended up alone._ ”

     Selek listened to the familiar Kirk rant with a warm sensation building up along his ribs and fill him with a sense that despite all the changes to this Universe this Jim had at least been able to sense how Selek’s feelings worked.

     “ _That being said, I have a confession to make and I don’t want you to get upset until you watch this a couple of times. You see, when we were on Delta Vega together and you did that. . .whatever that was again. . .I think you tripped something in my head. I know it wasn’t something you would have known you had tripped or that you did it deliberately. No, if you had known, I am sure you wouldn’t have done it deliberately. Thing is, you Bonded me. Not just to you but to my Spock as well. I cannot really explain it better that. I can feel this thread in my head and each one of you has ends of it. . .Old Friend. . .my Spock can never know."_

 Selek had not agreed in the beginning to keep such a secret. In fact, the first time he had watched this recording, he had immediately contacted the Enterprise to speak to her Captain. Anger and resentment would always be feelings that would need to be processed each time he might chose to revisit the holo disc.

_"Our compatibility I think was always there. . .but you did something to trip it so that we would make a Bond if we ever had to do that thing. . .which. . .we had to. . .several times. I never thought it would be possible to Bond with anyone but we did."_

     Jim's image wavered as he shifted position. Selek had known that while Jim never complained about it but this part of the recording had been the hardest for him when he had done it.

_"Now, he’s off to start a family with Uhura and here I am alone in the stars. What I mean to say it that I am glad you are not leaving cause I need you, Old Friend. Because, to let him go, I have had to use shields I was using to block older memories. I am going to need your help to deal with those. I can only ask you because surely your James went through Tarsus IV too.”_

     Selek felt torn between a deep sense of rage and sorrow that arose in him each time he watched the disc’s projection. This Jim was so young to have willingly sacrificed so much.

_“I hope your James had been spared that experience but if he hadn’t, I hope you can understand why I will need you now more than ever, Old Friend. Spock. . .my Spock. . .he deserves someone who can give him a family. The stars can wait and while I love him I’m use to never getting what I love. Or, at keeping it if I am lucky to find love in the first place.”_

     Selek stopped the disc from completing the message James’s counterpart had recorded. It was longer and Jim had been right to warn him that it would take several viewings to feel like he fully understood his message.

     They had been in touch several times since the holo disc arrived at Selek’s house on Vafer-Tor with each Comm emphasizing the concerns of Jim maintaining his shields. They would, of course, discuss Colony or Enterprise business. Sometimes, chess moves were bantered back and forth. Yet, each communication, Selek had noted how gradually the Jim from the disc was fading into a living ghost in the Comm links.

     Nothing would have fixed what had happened, save for the presence in Jim’s life of the T’hy’la he deserved to have love him in return. Selek knew that Jim would always fight to remain unknown to Spock. He knew Jim had had mental contact with T’Pau. Yet, Jim had fought constantly with Selek against informing Spock about their Bond. Especially, after the ex-Lieutenant of Communications had sent the details of her pregnancy to the Enterprise gossips.

     Selek looked down at the frozen image of Jim and then surveyed the empty quarters which looked to be as if awaiting their occupant’s return. The whole experience was too much and for the first time since the loss of Vulcan, Selek bowed his head and wept in the silence openly.

 

~ To Be Continued ~ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for the length of time between Chapters. Sarek and T'Pau POV chapters are ready but I felt it best to do Selek first. However, my English grammer is a difficult at the moment. If you let me, I'll make sure a revision is up in a few days!


	3. Pair Instability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has bonded with Uhura and transferred off the Enterprise to raise his family on Vafer-Tor. However, he is awoken one morning by the soul-trenching feeling of his heart breaking. What could have possibly happened?
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: I am not an anti-Uhura writer by far but to throw in a little angst, this story just happened to form and who was I to say ‘no’. So, if you’re a Uhura fan, please don’t bash, I promise there will be more stories to come where she is much different. Also, there is a possible trigger: Parents who don’t have good relationships with their kids and the Partners they had them with. So, if that kind of stuff triggers you, I apologize in advance. You might not want to read it. However, it always provides good angst material . . .so that is what I went with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So upon the requests made by several reviewers, I have chosen to continue this story in hopes to provide clarity behind Uhura’s actions. Yes, I recognize that the previous two chapters were grim and riddled with angst. My goal will be to bring things full circle hopefully, but I will make no promises. Please note that I write in an unusual fashion, my ultimate goal is that each of my characters are not as simple as TOS or Nu!Verse canons. I want them to break through our preconceptions and beliefs of who we’ve assumed these individuals to be. However, I am always up for suggestions.

 

 

Stardate 2261.10  ~   Vafer –Tor

 

 

     The late afternoon sun dusted the hillside where Spock’s house was nestled.  Sarek had spent the day before and most of the morning in isolated meditation as had been prescribed by the Mind-Healers assigned to his case. Some days he did better than others but like all surviving Vulcans, he had moments where his grief at the loss of Amanda was difficult to bear.

     However, while the House of Surak had lost many members of their Clan, they did not loose all.

     It helped that most were Ambassadors and Dignitaries with postings far from Vulcan on the day of its Destruction. Still, Sarek had lost both Amanda and his former bondmate whom had dissolved their bond to become a Priestess of Gol. It had been like losing two bondmates at the same time rather than just one. Thankfully, he had lost neither of his sons, as Sybok had been off world and Spock had survived his encounter with the Narada.

     Sarek made his way up the steps of his son’s house to the front entry, thankful that he would soon have a play date with T’sea.

     His Granddaughter was taking on remarkable qualities just like Spock had exhibited during his development. They, of course, were not identical in their manifestations but they showed signs of a bright and unique mind. Sarek found pleasure in their interactions and a reason to greet the day. T’sea already had a fascination with the stars and the mysteries of deep space travel. She had even given names to planets she had picked out visually from his memory through their familial bond. T’sea’s rapidly developing wit and creativity evident each time in her rational for her particular name over another.

     It was at times like these that Sarek missed Amanda the most. She would have loved her Grandchild with her whole soul and wouldn’t have struggled with displaying her joy like Sarek worried he was.

     Yet, now was not a time to focus on such dismal thoughts. No, he had come to enjoy the company of his Granddaughter . . .and perhaps enlist her help in convincing her mother to cook some of her wonderful cooking.  One of the few things about Amanda Sarek missed were her creative adaptations to traditional Vulcan recipes.  Nyota seemed to have a similar innate sense when it came to cooking with alien ingredients. Though, both women did manage to leave Sarek with memorable moments when their experiments into the realm of Vulcan cooking went wrong.

     A very tender moment in his heart was Amanda’s first substitution to her Plomeek broth. His poor son had suffered from a purple rash for a week has a result. While not painful, it had instilled a healthy fear of his Mother’s cooking due to Spock’s cartoonish appearance.  Nyota had taken to Vulcan cuisine in the same fashion and much to his secret delight had the same ability Amanda had had at trigger all types of unique symptoms from Spock’s allergies.  Once again having the House of Surak filled with Human laughter warmed Sarek’s heart in a way he had once believed to impossible after the Destruction of Vulcan.

     Sarek had never had that during his first bonding. Laughter had never been an auditory occurrence on Vulcan nor was it now on Vafer-Tor but un-liked now, back then he had never understood the joys the simple act could bring. Their fathers, in the ways held by Vulcans before their Grandfathers’ time, had organized his Kan-Telan with T’Rea.

     She had been a good choice and had their bond been destined to last, they would have possibly had more than one child. However, despite their mental and physical compatibility, Sarek had felt T’Rea’s longing each time she had returned from Monasteries on Mount Gol. Eventually, there came to be a time when Sarek realized that T’Rea’s heart had not totally become his. That no matter their desire to fulfill the duties to their Clans, that their hearts were their own.

     T’Rea had been unsure of Sarek’s intentions at first, when he had approached her about confessing her heart’s wish. In some ways, she had been as stubborn and obstinate, forever repeating that she had no such wishes. She had been so conscious about their duty and obligations to their Clans. How could she possible have any wants when she had a bondmate and child to build a family with? Yet, Sarek knew deep down she had been hiding something even going so far as to block it from his end of their bond.

     So, like a Sehlat when exposed to its first taste of gespar, that his bondmate had made a memorable remark to him about his tenacity. She had confessed the truth.

     Upon learning of how T’Rea had desired to enter the order of Gol as a Priestess before her learning of their Kan-Telan, Sarek had taken time to reflect. After all, whatever decision he was to make would have a lasting impact on the House of Surak.

 

* * *

 

     As Sarek lifted his hand to key in announce his arrival, he reflected that despite the sorrows he had faced, he would never regret granting T’Rea her heart’s desire. Had he never done so, Amanda would not have come into his life. Nor, would have his second son, Spock and his family. In fact, he had done so with T’Rea’ blessings. She had always had a soft spot for younglings.

     When his chime went unanswered, Sarek let himself in. As had many times before, accustomed to visiting for High Council matters and surprise requests by Nyota to enrich T’sea.

 

* * *

 

     The atmosphere in the house was unlike any Sarek had ever experienced. There was residual rage that filled the air and clung to the walls. Echoes that reached so deep, that they touched Sarek’s latent empathic talents. Something very horrible had happened and that made Sarek worried.

     Especially, after speaking to Spock early yesterday morning before day break. His son had been composed while they had spoken briefly. Had even appeared to be generally concerned about Sarek himself and repeated stated they were all fine, even little T’sea whom he had just checked on. He had even calmly scheduled today’s play date.

     Yet, Sarek knew his son, beneath all of the calm bravo there had been something deeply disturbing him. Enough, it would seem, to warrant Spock calling him at such an hour. Now, faced with the physical proof, Sarek reminded himself that he would need to remain calm.

     Wandering through the house, he found each room devoid of any of its residents’ save for the nursery where he found T’sea on her sleeping pallet. Her whimpers were audible from the doorway before he crossed the floor to see to her comfort. She was restless and impossible to soothe at first; dried tears evidence that she had been fussing in neglect for some time.

     Now, Sarek knew without a doubt that something was very wrong. His son would never have allowed T’sea to cry this long without checking as to why she was distressed had he been at home. Thus far, it appeared that he was not; despite their agreement to be.

     Sarek picked up her tiny form and by touch could pick up his Grandchild’s distress. As T’sea could not yet form words, she flooded his mind with images in hopes that her Grandfather could fix whatever happened.

     The raw images, saturated in their colors and emotions, left Sarek confused. T’sea was obviously so distraught that where once such an attempt would make complete sense, now he could find no logic between her pairings. Something was very wrong.

 

* * *

 

     Sarek carried T’sea out to the terrace in hopes that a change of scenery would alter her present state of distress.

     It was once he stepped out on the terrace that he discovered Nyota. Wrapped in a blanket, her body was all but obscured on the lounge pallet. She was indescribably pale for her skin tone and she was unresponsive to T’sea whom had begun to fuss.

     “Nyota? My Childe, what is it that disturbs you?”

     Sarek spoke in a tone he had once learned Amanda preferred when upset.

     “Spock has left me.” Nyota stated without turning to face him.

     Sarek looked from Nyota to T’sea and then back again. Neither of the females were many any sense.

     “Do you mean my Son has had to travel for work? Surely, my Childe, you understand that while these jobs occasionally occur they are not permanent separations.”

     Nyota gave a brittle laugh that twisted her whole body into a caricature of a puppet with its strings cut.

     “Oh, no. I’m not wrong. I’ve had it from both Spock’s and T’Pau’s authority. My ‘ _bondmate_ ’ has filed to have our bond dissolved upon his return.”

     Sarek raised an eyebrow in an arch so high it disappeared. If questioned, he would have stated that nothing could have surprised him more. T’sea wiggled in his arms and he cradled her to his chest before speaking.

     “I fear this is a serious situation. Perhaps, if you provide me with details, I may be in a position to aid you.”

     Nyota gave a little shrug and lifted a tired limb to carelessly drag a hand through her dull, lifeless hair.

     “I’ve only done what anyone who is ‘ _human_ ’ would agree is my right. I’m the one he bonded with.”

     Sarek gave a faint nod to indicate he was listening but noted his daughter-in-law’s use of the term ‘ _human_ ’.

     “Go on.”

     Nyota fidgeted for a moment before continuing.

     “Spock is leaving me because he discovered I had been intercepting all communications from the Enterprise.”

     Her words were spoken in a rush and she all but whispered the name of Starfleet’s flagship. Sarek concealed his confusion at this.

     “My I inquire as to why you did such a thing?” T’sea gripped his robes with one of her tiny fists, briefly distracting him from his distraught daughter-in-law.

     “We had so many things happening all at once. I just felt it was in ‘our’ best interests as a family to focus on us first. Was I so wrong?”

     Sarek contemplated her rational; though narrow-minded and shortsighted, he could understand that his daughter-in-law was fearful of her place in Spock’s life. How like a human. How like Amanda.

     “Am I to understand that Spock was unaware of your actions?”

     “Of course! Naturally, I had planned to reestablish communications once T’sea was born and we had fully bonded as a family.”

     Sarek mused at how the formally haunted look had disappeared from Nyota’s eyes, replaced by a self-righteous woman.

     “So Spock has discovered your duplicity, but you have not yet explained how this occurred or why you could not reconcile.”

     Nyota then as if by his gentle reproach shrunk into herself.

     “He wouldn’t speak to me about how exactly he discovered my program or the cache of messages. He only kept babbling about how I had kept them from him and that they had been from his  _T’hy’la_.”

     “I beg your pardon. His  _T’hy’la?_ ”

     Sarek felt a chill settle into his blood as he fixed his eyes on the human woman. A Vulcan word, which had long been cherished by his People, had just been hissed with a cadence no Vulcan would have ever used.

     Nyota, however, seemed to be currently in a state he had often remembered Amanda suffered from. When despite their gifted talents in Linguistics, their human passions could render their tender sentiments mute. Or, in Amanda’s case, down right outright rude when she had been upset. Which, from what he was able to assess from Nyota’s present state, seemed to be likewise.

     Sarek sat down suddenly and he stared down at his Granddaughter. So young; so precious. Oh, how he missed his Amanda. She would have known how to handle this situation better.

     “I couldn’t get him to think of me other than merely just another Cadet who needed guidance. He was always so reserved and polite. Spock wouldn’t look at me as a woman. No, he was just so caught up on his honor and duty to his betrothed who he had admitted to me once in confidence was more like a sister to him than what we humans consider to be lovers. I just couldn’t accept that. You don’t marry your sister; you marry a woman who loves you and wants you.”

     Sarek prevented himself from interrupting Nyota’s tiraid that as much as she seemed to want to be viewed as a flesh and blood human woman; she also seemed to deny that Spock was also a Vulcan. Marrying bondmates, who shared siblings-like qualities in terms of affections, was often viewed as desirable attachments for those whose minds were combatable. 

     After all, some Vulcans did not have mating drives like those of their partners, thus making Pon-Farr seven-year cycle easier to deal with. Humans who were kept in the dark about this part of Vulcans never quite seemed to get the whole issue.

     Amanda had known and she had been grateful that Sarek viewed her not with the eyes of a brother but with the eyes of a lover. Yet, she had seen with her own eyes and had made note of it to Sarek that while for humans it would never work, in Vulcans it made absolute sense.

     Nyota continued.

     “The whole time T’Pring was alive, he wouldn’t even speak to me in anything more than a friendly tone. It wasn’t until the Day Vulcan was Destroyed that I could even get him to touch me . . . I mean I only offered the type of comfort I would any one I cared so deeply for. It wasn’t like their bond was as strong as ours is now. They weren’t married after all when she died. Not like you and Lady Amanda were.”

     Sarek frowned deeply at that and took a moment to reflect. It hadn’t been until Amanda’s death that Sarek had been able to openly admit to himself and even his Son that he had loved his wife.

     Who truly knew, besides Spock, what he had felt for T’Pring outside of those bonds of friendship and betrothal? Whom, besides Spock, would have felt T’Pring as their brothroal bond snapped and her last thoughts as they echoed across the distance?

     Those feelings would have been raw within Spock, who’s own many losses would have had weakened shields again the lost of his betrothed.

     Sarek while disappointed in his Son’s weakness for the Human female, could understand how he may have slipped into his childhood habit for seeking comfort in the tactile embrace of another.

      He suddenly felt the pulse of confusion coming from T’sea as she tried to offer comfort despite not understanding the source of his pain. He took care of reassure her while at the same time strengthening his shields just in case Nyota revealed more.

     “He never slept with me; he always pulled away when I tried to encourage him but he proved to me he wasn’t like so many of the others had said Vulcans were like. I knew I could get him to see me then more than as a Cadet or Advisee. I could even get him to see that I was a woman rather than a mere friend. No, I wasn’t going to let him deny it no matter how many times he tried to backtrack or say that he had no feelings for me. I just knew I could make him understand and see it my way.” 

     It was at that moment, Sarek believe he was perhaps seeing the Human behind the mask of the woman he had come to know as Spock’s wife for the first time.  Yet, as he looked down at the delicate face of T’sea, he wondered what more could this Human expose and what lengths would he need to go to protect those who would surely need him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ND: Apologizies for the delay. It's shorter than I would like but I thought posting now would give me an idea of if I should keep writing. T'Pau/McCoy/Scotty chapters to follow. This is a very rough presentation. So, please if you catch mistakes, be kind. I'm without a BETA at the moment.


	4. Gravitational Potential Energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has bonded with Uhura and transferred off the Enterprise to raise his family on Vafer-Tor. However, he is awoken one morning by the soul-trenching feeling of his heart breaking. What could have possibly happened?
> 
> Warning: I am not an anti-Uhura writer by far but to throw in a little angst, this story just happened to form and who was I to say ‘no’. So, if you’re a Uhura fan, please don’t bash, I promise there will be more stories to come where she is much different. Also, there is a possible trigger: Parents who don’t have good relationships with their kids and the Partners they had them with. So, if that kind of stuff triggers you, I apologize in advance. You might not want to read it. However, it always provides good angst material . . .so that is what I went with.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any and all of the works by Gene Roddenberry, his fellow creators, J.J. Abrams and his co-visionaries, and the Production Companies of TV Series and Films alike. Star Trek franchise is owned by Paramount Pictures, a division of Viacom. All the copyrights associated with Star Trek belong to them. These people are all truly gifted and their talent deserves any and all credit. The writer of this story is earning no profit. I merely claim influence towards writing of this story and the temporary borrowing of their characters, locations, and names. No animals were harmed in the making of this story. All characters were returned to their original states and locations where they may were once this story concluded. The only residual effects may have been a “Q” encounter-like memory loss. This writer hopes the disorientation is only temporary. 

Bare with me folks. I know that a couple of readers have asked me to keep it light-hearted or not as heavy of the Angst. I am trying to do so. Chapters wise, we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this story. I have Five chapters in various stages of completion plus skeletons of all the others being fleshed out. Between classes and lectures, Reality has been the reason why my updates are behind the curve. However, I can promise chapters coming up belong to the POVs of T'Pau, Bones, Scotty, and T'sea to name a few. That's not including my surprise curves and plot twists. So, readers, please remember I did warn against the Angst in advance. If I am lucky, Q will stop playing in the closet and give me by plot list back in time for the next update. I'm also working on trying to keep this both 2009 and 2013 version compatible. 

 

Stardate 2261.11 ~ ECS Fortitude J-Class (Earth)

 

Spock was brought out of his ineffective attempt at meditation by the chirps from his rented quarters door. Unlike Selik, his trip to the Enterprise had consisted of many forms of slower sub-space transports. Some of which, were incapable of traveling at anything faster than impulse power. A part of him felt as if it was Fate’s retribution for his own stupidity. 

Each new connection had either risen or lowered his hopes of getting to the Enterprise quickly. He had opted to remain in his quarters, devoid of contact with the other passengers, in an effort to refrain from displaying the overpowering grief he was feeling. Feeling emotions was believed to be impossible for Vulcans by other interstellar species. If only those disbelievers could witness for themselves the destruction losing Kirk had on Spock’s mental landscape. Spock, himself, was amazed at the devastation during his attempts to restore his shields. 

Had he been fully human, Spock was sure that he would have been driven completely insane upon their arrival to Earth. Instead, he was thankful briefly because his Vulcan traits enabled him to at least contain the painful rage behind his shields.

As Spock rose to gather his meager belongings into his small carrying case, he was thankful for the current transport’s Communications Officer. The Lieutenant, whom had reminded Spock of the Enterprise’s Navigations expert, had arranged for a communiqué to indicate the ship’s arrival at Spacedock. 

Spock had gone days without food and little sleep. Too long even for a Vulcan, and given his hybrid physiology, the combination was taking its toll on him. The grief, which was growing by the minute, threatened to swallow him whole. In his isolation, the offer of the reminder now was welcomed.

Exiting the cabin, he made his way towards the transport’s loading bay as a hollow feeling begun to manifest itself more in his side.

 

Stardate 2261.11 ~ Spacedock (Earth)

 

Spock found the long walk from the main concourse of the Spacedock to the Sub-Level airlock, which would lead to his destination, was taking longer than he had originally anticipated. Before leaving his transport, he had researched the path from his arrival terminal to the access point leading to Enterprise’s Loading Bay. By his calculations, he should have at the very least gotten past the second stage of Security.

Instead, what welcomed him was an obstacle course of Herculean proportions. First, Spock discovered that due to his well-documented retirement from Starfleet, his now former security clearance had been downgraded from the Enterprise XO to that of an ordinary Federation civilian. Second, due to the nature of the incident, Starfleet had declared a full blackout on all Security measures so that not even the Starbase Security personnel had been briefed on the complete details.

So, basically, Spock was left to feel utterly helpless when to his dismay he learned that no Enterprise Security officers were at the first checkpoint. Nor, was he to discover, were they located at the second.

“Strict orders, Sir.” A very tight-lipped officer offered. “No radio contact on our end. They let us know who to expect is coming. I sorry but I cannot let you pass.” A glance down to look at his PADD once more to verify his answer, the officer continued. “I have you listed as a civilian, Sir. Doesn’t matter what your old Starfleet or current Vulcan Security levels are ranked.”

Spock didn’t think that the Starbase officer looked all that apologetic. It was obvious by the male’s posturing that this was his biggest assignment to date. Not every day one finds oneself assigned to the Flagship’s crisis detail. Spock found that he wanted to scream.

His weakened shields were all but buckling under the heavy emotions he was unable to control. It was entirely his fault. He had been so grief stricken and at war with how to show his emotions, he had allowed this to happen.

What kind of father could he be to T’sea if she could pick up on this grief even now? Light years apart and his daughter still could be felt projecting up against the soft mental barrier he had erected between his mind and their bond. He would never attempt to endanger her by severing that bond. However, if he was not careful he could emotionally scar her. Vulcan children could be very advanced for their ages in comparison to a Human child. 

Yet, emotionally, Vulcans were much more sensitive. Human children could pick up emotions easily, handled them with amazing results. Vulcans could easily be rendered into a comatose state of shock if overloaded by a single emotion before they were taught how to shield. T’sea had yet to undergo her first formal meditation class or training workshop. What little skills she was learning from her family would not be nearly enough to protect her from the emotions Spock was experiencing.

Which was why Vulcan parents held shields in place for them until they were able. With a Psi-null for a mother, T’sea only had Spock to act as her shield. Sarek and T’Pau could be counted on to step in during an emergency but they could not always be there. Especially, with such hands-on parenting, like his wife preferred to use to raise their daughter. 

When he had left, T’sea had been confused at his sudden emotional state. In her mother, that was usual to expect. However, Spock knew she never assumed to look for those same types of chaotic emotions in him. She had started at first when she had brushed at his mind. Shock evident at what she had found there. Fear she had caused him to get upset. He had felt her anger that she could not report to her mother his distress, as she had yet to speak her first words. Gentle flashes of constellations projected in an effort to send her love. 

That had been when Spock had tripled his most tender of barriers to insure his emotions would not harm his child. Yet, he could not help but feel rage at his own impotence.

His daughter was flashing a new constellation and Spock feared that such a strong child would easily be able to pick up on his doubts that his inability to say no to her mother before her birth had lead to not only T’sea’s conception but also the ultimate sacrifice of his T’hy’la.

A noise at the gate jerked Spock out of his reverie and drew his attention towards the Security checkpoint. The Spacedock Security Chief had arrived, along with an achingly familiar face.

“Heard you were stirring up some trouble, Youngling.” Selik gave a quick nod to the Station Chief and with a bow, continued in melodic tones. “If you will permit me gentlemen. I can vouch for this Vulcan not just as a member of the High Council but also as a member of the Ambassador’s staff. He does in fact have all the proper security clearances to be permitted to enter. Sadly, it appears there has been a technical malfunction on Vafer-Tor, which has delayed the paperwork. Fear not, as the grandson and heir of the House of Surak, T’Pau has schooled this one well in the art of secrecy.”

Selik danced the dance of diplomacy of Human emotions far better than Spock could. Surly, this was due to his age and perhaps also to the longer exposure to his counterpart’s version of his Captain. Envy, jealousy, and a terrible sorrow filled Spock at that thought pushing relentlessly at his weakened mental shields. Neither sleep nor attempts at Meditation had provided much relief. Spock suspected that soon his body would just succumb to the strain.

Spock turned to take note that Selik had performed his diplomatic dance successfully and was turning to indicate he expected Spock to follow his lead.

 

Stardate 2261.11 ~ Spacedock (Sub Level Six)

 

They walked in utter silence from the first Security checkpoint all the way past the main checkpoint series to access a specialized lift to take them to the sub level, which would lead to the Loading Bay. The silence stretched taught until Spock felt as if he could calculate the precise estimation of how much longer it would last before Selik stopped before a View Port. Turning to see what had drawn his attention, Spock saw with horror for the first time the devastation reeked on the outer hull of the once proud Flagship. His home. The severe damage left him breathless. 

“There should have been more,” Selik voiced in hushed tones. “Or would have been if Jim hadn’t been Jim.”

Spock spun to look at Selik in shock.

“What do you mean?”

Selik lifted a shoulder and merely shook his head.

“Bones reported that he had just treated Jim for a compound scapula fracture and an AC Joint Separation from an earlier accident on an away mission. He had put Jim to bed in his quarters, as the Sickbay was full. It appears Jim’s usual biobed was needed to take care of wounded from an accident in Engineering. Evidently it appears that despite our good doctors hypos, Jim became conscious during the Crisis. He was gone before anyone knew what was happening. If he hadn’t sealed the decks, the Enterprise would never have made it back to Spacedock. We would have lost them all.”

Spock sucked in a painful breath. The pain in his side flared to life, like a Le-matya coming to rip across his stomach.

“He was alone.”

Spock had said that as a statement but was also seeking confirmation by posing it as a question his counterpart would be able to answer. Would have made a considerable effort to seek out the truth. His gut told him it was logical that Selik would hunt for that detail. His heart however screamed silently at the fear it was the truth.

Selik confirmed with only a small series of nods before continuing to move towards their destination.

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” Selik stated softly.

Spock felt rage and grief war within his heart. 

“Or the one,” Spock added. Shame filled him.

 

 

Stardate 2261.12 ~ Enterprise (Guest Quarters 035)

 

Spock found himself once again isolated in a cabin upon the Enterprise. He had yet to speak to the Acting Captain or the CMO, but as both had been in debriefing for the past 24 hours it was unlikely to happen soon. Spock found he itched to see the stars. Due to the location of the Enterprise in the Spacedock, they were effectively in a dry dock scenario. Zero stars could be seen from any of the View Ports, which Spock had in the past-sought comfort from. If anything, Spock felt like a chained Krin-tu as he stalked back and forth across the cabin’s carpet. The lack of sleep or solid meditation was catching up to him.

A buzz greeted him and upon opening his door found Selik waiting.

“Selik, is there something you need?”

Spock was unsure the expression on Selik’s face but it was one that made his blood pound at a different beat.

“Perhaps, Youngling, you should be asking yourself that question and what it is that I can provide to help you.”

Spock stiffened at the idea that Selik could peel away the meager façade he had erected. It was becoming clear that Spock could lie to everyone but himself.

“Come, walk with me,” Selik spoke after the silence had begun to stretch between them. “It seems we have much to discuss.”

 

Stardate 2261.12 ~ Spacedock (Sub Level Five)

 

The location Selik picked granted the pair an isolated observation deck, which Spock felt Selik had surely acquired through crafty diplomacy. A busy space station like this would rarely allow for such a considerable space to be left unreserved. The main View Port was faced away from Earth at this moment in the opposite direction. The vast expanse of the universe beckoned Spock to stare into its mysteries. Here, he would find solace.

In the distance a chain of sub space satellites could be seen glittering and blinking off into the distance. A new communications’ array being tested no doubt. How the destruction of Vulcan was now altering the fundamentals of subspace communications. Rage shimmered under the surface of his skin at the thoughts that came at welling upon reflecting on Nero’s aftermath. 

The both stood there for quite some time before Selik chose to break their solitude.

“Did you not wonder why I never accepted your invitation to establish a familial bond with T’sea?” Selik let his question hang in the silence as he turned to give Spock his profile. He was staring out of View Port, his eyes never leaving their focus. The view of space offered both a stunning and haunting expanse of emptiness. A void that was now echoed by the growing emptiness in the location of Spock’s side; he felt hollow.

“I had naturally believed that your duties to the Vulcan Council prevented you to arrive in time for the ceremony.” 

Spock was unprepared for the glare of violence Selik levied in his direction. Was it possible to not only hate yourself twice but both in the same instant?

“You had made your choice. Blindly ignoring my advice and that of our Grandmother’s. I was left with little choice. T’sea would have been too young to shield her mind from my emotions. Remember you forget, Youngling, I too suffered from the loss of our Home World. More so, as it was my actions, that impacted your timeline so greatly. All the invitations you extended me to form the bond, not just the formal ceremony. I consistently turned down them all. Surely, my duties with the Council did not always have me traveling. Yet, you never chose to come ask why? I grew to believe you did not wish to know. Now, I wonder. Would you have listened had I told you the truth?”

Fresh frustration welled deep within Spock into wounds too recent to shield against.

“I would have tried. You kept too much from me which was mine by right.”

Selik turned then to give Spock his profile.

“I had tried. Several times, if you can recall. Each time, your wife found cause to interrupt us. Or, like the Enterprise, I found myself leaving messages I now understand you never received. It was my understanding from you both that anything I was going to say would fall on already deaf ears.”

Stillness settled into Spock and for a moment he struggled for breath. Did his wife’s betrayal never end?

“What do you mean you left messages?”

Selik turned to look at Spock in that moment. A very familiar eyebrow arched in a skeptic-mocking pose.

“Precisely what I said.” Selik scanned his younger counter-part for evidence of duplicity or feigned ignorance. Spock believe no one other than Selik could have possible known what to look for as a tell for hiding the truth.

“I Commed your quarters shortly after Jim was informed about your decision to leave Starfleet. He had contacted me. His distress was great enough that I was willing to tempt everything just to give you a glimpse at what I felt was your right. You had still been on the Enterprise at that time. Instead of reaching you, I was routed to speak to a Beta shift officer in the Communications Lab. I left a series of messages all the way up to when you suddenly arrived on Vafer-Tor. Imagine my surprise when I found you introducing your fiancé to T’Pau, completely ignorant to all my communiqués.”

Selik turned to look towards the stars then. Spock felt ill. The truth was becoming clearer. His wife, the former Chief Communications Officer on a Federation Flagship had been screening his calls even before they had been officially affianced. As said Flagship’s former XO, Spock had failed badly. He had, of course, received communications from Sarek and T’Pau as both were formerly listed in Spock’s file as being next-of-kin. Selik and his very existence would have been above Nyota’s security clearance. She had not anticipated on Spock wanting to communicate with Selik, so she must have listed him on the Comm Links to screen for.

“By that point, my own anger at you could barely be shielded from Sarek or T’Pau. Any attempts at privacy were block both electronically and by the physical presence of she whom is know your wife. Of course, she could not keep you from visiting me. Not that you were receptive to listening to anything I tried to say. However, you will remember how rarely you did so leading up to T’sea conception. Even less, you’ll remember afterwards. All those times, always in the company of your clever linguist. When I would switch into little known formal High Vulcan in an effort to get you alone, you would chastise and demand she be included in all conversations. Any time I wish to speak to you separately, Youngling, your naivety begun to take on the appearance of a Ran-tu whimpering at the legs of his Mistress.”

Humiliation flooded Spock. Selik’s anger as vicious in its finality. For the umpteenth time, Spock was forced to face at the past and accept his failings.

“I would have listened.” Spock’s petulant voice reverberated in the silence.

Selik turning and leveling a pointed look at Spock, his counter-part’s answer raked fresh guilt in his reply.

“This whole incident came about by you not listening. There was more than you and your fiancé involved in this situation. Your bondmate, Jim, needed support. When you refused to listen to him, he turned to me. How do you think your T’hy’la could have survived your marriage to your wife? To feel each moment you chose to lie together with her? To know the very moment you welcomed T’sea into the universe. To know that woman you call a wife, had you so wrapped around her finger that you would willingly ignore the very bond YOU formed with him?”

Selik’s body had become lethally still. Spock was afraid for a moment. It was the type of stillness Vulcans could commonly associate with their more primitive sides. Suddenly, Selik’s body wilted. In that moment, Spock’s counterpart looked to have aged decades.

“Jim sent me a package. Within its contents, a device very similar to one constructed by my own T’hy’la before we were forever parted, yet not parted.” 

Selik raised the chain around his neck up to the light, dangling from it two different yet similar holo disks. Spock’s fingers itched and a fever flushed him to his very core.

“I have been to many different dimensions. Each timeline had many different variables. Too many factors moving independently from each other to always predict. However, I know with certainty one universal truth. Our place was always beside that of our T’hy’la. No matter what timeline or circumstances. Our destinies were fated to find each other and stay by each other. Separation only would end in destruction of the timeline or lead to horrible events, which could have been prevented. Yet, you despite having formed that bond abandoned your place because of rumor and conjecture.”

Selik suddenly looked more exhausted than Spock had ever seen him.

“It had been my hope that this Jim had escaped the horrors which had befallen my own. Instead, I learned that my arrival in this timeline not only robbed him of the life of his Father and the love of his Mother, but also delivered him into those very nightmares almost as if I had offered him up as a preverbal sacrificial lamb. Be thankful, Youngling, your grief is only what you now suffer. I highly doubt my own T’hy’la would have been able to walk out of that hell yours called home and still have been able to let me go like yours did.”

Spock froze. Jim had never spoken to Spock about much of his childhood. He knew from past experiences that the Kelvin was a keystone in Jim’s childhood in the Kirk household. Small flashes would catch Spock’s attention whenever they had slipped into a meld. The most worrisome of which had been an incident with a car and a ravine. Also, Lieutenant Kirk’s disturbing lack of good parental presence accompanied by a questionable living arrangement on the Kirk farm. Yet, Spock had never had an indication that Jim’s home had been a complete hell.

“Jim never gave me any evidence to indicated what it is you speak of. Tell me.”

Selik looked wearisome for a moment and shook his head wordlessly.

“I think that conversation would be best saved after both of us have rested.” When Spock gave the appearance of becoming stubborn, he amended.

“Youngling, you have not rested and my guess is that you have been unable to reach ideal meditation required to maintain your shields. I shall help with that. Later, when you’re ready, I shall confide all that I know and am able.”

Wordlessly, Spock would do nothing but turn to look out towards and into darkness. 

 

ND: Please remain kind. Should any of you catch my spelling or grammar errors just know I’m still sans BETA. While I know the differences, sometimes spell check just can’t catch them all for me. Nor, do I catch them myself when I am re-reading because of a Medical condition.


	5. Aging Massive Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has bonded with Uhura and transferred off the Enterprise to raise his family on Vafer-Tor. However, he is awoken one morning by the soul-trenching feeling of his heart breaking. What could have possibly happened?
> 
> Warning: I am not an anti-Uhura writer by far but to throw in a little angst, this story just happened to form and who was I to say ‘no’. So, if you’re a Uhura fan, please don’t bash, I promise there will be more stories to come where she is much different. Also, there is a possible trigger: Parents who don’t have good relationships with their kids and the Partners they had them with. So, if that kind of stuff triggers you, I apologize in advance. You might not want to read it. However, it always provides good angst material . . .so that is what I went with.

Disclaimer: Same shpeel, different day.  I do not own the rights to any and all of the works by Gene Roddenberry, his fellow creators, J.J. Abrams and his co-visionaries, and the Production Companies of TV Series and Films alike. Star Trek franchise is owned by Paramount Pictures, a division of Viacom. All the copyrights associated with Star Trek belong to them. These people are all truly gifted and their talent deserves any and all credit. The writer of this story is earning no profit. I merely claim influence towards writing of this story and the temporary borrowing of their characters, locations, and names. No animals were harmed in the making of this story. All characters were returned to their original states and locations where they may were once this story concluded. The only residual effects may have been a “Q” encounter-like memory loss. This writer hopes the disorientation is only temporary.

 

A/N:  Hopefully, by this point people haven’t decided that the axe and pitchfork method will be needed for submitting a review. I know the first chapter was angst ridden and I threw in a surprise twist in the latest chapter. Yet, here is hoping to provide some explanations those of you might be having.

 

Stardate 2261.12   ~   Vafer-Tor

 

 

      T’Pau was not a Vulcan whom felt her age often despite what many of her Clansmen might hold as a belief. No, she had feelings that she kept tightly reined under her Vulcan shields that those times, which kept such ghosts at bay. Yet, the day of her Grandson’s bonding dissolution was not to be one of those times. So much had happened. What sentient being would not want to prevent them from struggling with such sorrow?

 

     There had been a time when she had picked up a fuss, so to speak, when her own son Sarek had dissolved his bond with T’Rea. However, looking back on it now with all that had happened over the years, their dissolved bond had been a mutual decision between two consenting Vulcans. Both of who, due to their high mental compatibility, had been able to come to an agreement about their hearts desires verses their familial duties to their Clans. In a way, T’Pau had been disappointed in her Son; but in another way secretly felt proud that he had stepped forward to allow for his family to change without fear. Sarek had proven himself worthy that day of inheriting the role of Head of the House of Surak when she finally stepped down.

 

     Even more surprising had been the day he had returned with news that he wished to formally announce his courtship of the Human, Amanda Grayson. T’Pau could not have been more surprised. She had consented when it became apparent that the Human woman deeply loved her son. Any woman who would give up the opportunity to love openly in the Human way, so as to stand by the side of her child deserved her respect. Especially, when the woman had enough gumption to prank Sarek in private because of something he may have neglected by forgetting his bondmate was Human.

 

     Amanda had even graced the House of Surak with a son and provided the Clan with one more grandchild for T’Pau to spoil. Spock had been a burst of fresh creativity in a Clan.  There were too many minds that were struggling because they followed the same patterns of thought. No wisdom could be found with such arrogance. Despite Vulcans claiming to practice the way of Surak, T’Pau found pride and arrogance traits no mental restraints could weed out. Her grandson had been an instant relief in House of Surak’s lack of ingenuity.

 

     An avid chess player, T’Pau had been delighted to have a new opponent to groom, train, and then thrashed during their lessons together.  Though, after so many years, Spock himself had surpassed even her level of Mastery. So, now it was Spock not herself that was doing the trouncing.

 

     However, it was more than the loss of Vulcan that brought tears to her eyes now. It was the sad loss of so many parts about Vulcan culture. It would take more than a millennium to rebuild. In that time, her own Grandson’s folly will have cost him one of the most precious gifts a Vulcan could ever be granted. _T’hy’la_. Vulcans had never considered transcribing the ancient texts into Standard that documented the rare occurrences on their Home world of such ‘legendary’ bondmates.

 

     What reason would they have had to safeguard them more than they already had, by restricting their access to the Katric ark alone? As apposed to how things were conducted at Starfleet, on Vulcan they could fiercely protect such treasured information. After all, unlike Vulcans who were manually bonded in Kan-Telan during childhood by mind healers, _T’hy’la_ bonds were spontaneous. Vulcans older than T’Pau had chronicled for generations that such a rare bond could be formed by two compatible minds upon learning of the others existence.

 

     A bond, which was so rare and very precious amongst any life form in the vast reaches of space.  The few off worlders whom knew about it had different names for it, of course. Humans, they called it ‘ _soul-mates_ ’, yet despite this they often attributed their word towards mates T’Pau sometimes found to be the opposite of the very term. How blind they all had been.

 

     When her grandson had sent his Comm in forming her of his intent to bond with the Communications Lieutenant, T’Pau had voiced her displeasure. It had been too soon after the Tragedy. He was still in mourning and his grief she could have reached out and touched despite their distances from each other.

 

     No, she would not consent as the Head of House to a formal courtship. After all, T’Pring, his betrothed had just died as well along side his mother, Amanda.

 

     T’Pring may have only been more like a sister than a potential bondmate but she knew in her heart he had always been true to their bond. Theirs was an affection, which had been from childhood, despite all the pigtail tugging and mock bulling.

 

     After all, T’Pring had even consented to waiting for him while he finished at the Academy rather than bond with one of her fellow students at VSA. She had mirrored her studies to compliment Spock’s and even had gone so far as publicly decry Stonn’s attempts at having Spock’s courtship and betrothal to her voided. She may not have loved him but she had been committed about being his bondmate. It felt wrong to allow Spock not to mourn properly.

 

     Sarek’s health had worsened due to her Son’s loss of both Amanda and T’Rea. Spock still had remained insistent that he be allowed to formally court the human woman despite his morning state. He even went as far as to explain that at this point, he would need to extend the House of Surak’s protection because it was believed by all that they had been in ‘ _human_ ’ courtship.

 

     The blow had struck T’Pau deeply. She refused to believe that her Grandson had compromised a woman, any woman, let alone a Human who had been under his instruction as a student and care as an advisee.  Yet, T’Pau had known that as a half-human, Spock could have reached out in his grief for comfort from someone close to him. There was logic in that possibility but T’Pau had wanted the words to come from Spock if that were the truth.

 

     In the end, during a particular bad spell of Sarek’s depression, Spock revealed that he had never compromised the woman in the way T’Pau may have supposed. That he had been grieving for his losses and despite it all, he had only considered her as a friend.

 

     However, it was evident that she did not. Nor, had many of their Enterprise crewmembers. When confronted with proof of said ‘ _belief_ ’ and concern about his duties, Spock requested that he be allowed to return to Safer-Tor with a potential bondmate. He needed a mind healer and the worry over Sarek’s health was making it difficult to insure his actions were logical. If he had, in fact, compromised the woman he insisted he do what was right.

 

     T’Pau had consented to his return to the colony. Not so much to any betrothal because she felt there was more to the story than was to be seen on the surface. Yet, she could not prevent the Woman’s accompaniment, which she had not liked when she had learned of the arrangements.

 

     But, her more pressing concern was her Grandson’s health.

 

     T’Pau had been surprised when arriving at Spock’s residence many stardates back to find the Woman answering the door. Even more to find that she had given the impression by the Lieutenant was welcoming T’Pau into _her_ own house rather than one of the Clan’s houses. An incorrect assumption on Vafer-Tor, as the residence was in T’Pau’s name and not Spock’s or the Lieutenant. Unlike Amanda, the Woman had flittered about casually offering refreshments but not even making an attempt at the traditional greetings owed to the Head of House. Not that T’Pau was a stickler for the rules, having once made lemonade with Amanda in her bare feet and sugarcoated fingers on a sunny Vulcan afternoon.

 

     However, this was not a good sign. This wasn’t a sign on lack of etiquettes, but possibly of a completely selfish perception of reality. Ms. Uhura had been unaware of the impression she had left that day; however succeeded at cementing it into place when she failed to report to Spock that his Grandmother had come for a visit until three days later.

 

     T’Pau had then taken several weeks to observe her Grandson and Ms. Uhura; each day finding more she disliked than she liked. T’Pau was not one to make a sand dune out of nothing, but something had just not felt right and she knew it was out of the protection of her Clan that she was going to not sit idly by. Despite how it seemed Sarek seemed to perk up at Spock’s arrival.

 

     The first time T’Pau had raised her voice, in sixty decades, was on the day she had refused to just out-right bond her Grandson to the Woman. No, Vulcans had a proud heritage and with so few survivors of their Race remaining it would be wrong not to observe the Rites to their Culture. The Woman, how T’Pau was finding that the preferred reference to the chit, had squawked and fussed stating that because they were human they shouldn’t have to go through the Vulcan ceremonies. The Rites did tend to be longer than Humans were accustomed to and were often very saturated in Vulcan-only issues. But, there were certain Rites that had been designed as part of Tradition to deal with Vulcan biology as part of the ceremonies. Spock, there fore, must be allowed to participate.

 

     In fact, there was a long series of meetings that were held to check to see if each potential bond mates mind was healthy and would properly support the bond of marriage. Being a Psi-null, these appointments would be of little use to the Woman. Amanda had attended, at first just out of mere devotion to her potential bond mate, only then was it discovered that she scored relatively low on the psi-scale. In fact, the mind healer that identified her ranking then found that Amanda had shown more Empathic traits than she did Psychic talents; which had been good in the long run for her marriage to Sarek.

 

     However, ‘Ms. Uhura’ had been tested and repeatedly shown to be a Psi-null. Both, while at the Academy and then on Vafer-Tor when a healer had tested her. Thus, in her Human’ mind, the Woman believed that she shouldn’t be subjugated to only of the most important rites performed before a bonding ceremony. T’Pau had preferred Amanda’s approach and missed her former Daughter-in-Law’s grace.

 

     The more she learned about this Woman, the more she thought Amanda would agree with her. In fact, she had a fond memory of a time before Amanda’s bonding with Sarek, when she had confessed to T’Pau at trying to make her mind healer blush by picturing illogical things whilst Amanda had been tested.  Twice, she had confided in a witty delivery followed by her gentle laughter at having forced a green flush in R’ai all the way to his ears. The poor man had been unable to look at Amanda in the eye for six straight days. Oh, how she missed that Childe.

 

     T’Pau had not bend or been swayed, however, by either ‘Ms. Uhura’s’ tiny jabs or later Spock’s tender pleading. She would forgo some of the more lavish Bonding rites especially now with Vulcan gone and the lack of traditional materials to be found. Yet, she would not budge on the rites that had been in place since before the Time of Surak to promote a healthy bond of marriage. No, not after having witnessed Sarek’s decreased state of mental health due to the bonds he had shared with his bondmates. Those might have just very well jaded T’Pau’s view on the subject but her word was law in the House of Surak and she would not risk her grandson just because some Woman’s wish to show disrespect.

 

     Spock had consented but merely raised an eyebrow when T’Pau had shaken her head when he stated he would contact the Clan healer directly. No, he would see her, T’Pau had firmly stated and would broker no argument. Ms. Uhura could see one of the Clans healers but her grandson she would trust to no one other than herself.

 

     It had been in one of their first sessions that T’Pau had found the faint incandescent threat that flickered on the fringes of Spock’s mind. It glowed and pulsed with the appearance of a dying star, whose light waves had traveled so far a distance but were growing weaker. Because after all, a star was little more than a memory by that point, having burnt out long ago. She had, in her out of body state, gently prodded the bond. As an after thought, she had wondered if it had been the remnant of a friendship bond of Spock’s that had been severed with the loss of Vulcan.

 

     Only, imagine her amazement when T’Pau discovered upon closer inspection that it was all an illusion. A disguise pulled off by a powerful mind; one that had even surpassed herself. What had greeted T’Pau when she had gently nudged open the link had been so startling that the first thing she did was block Spock from learning about her discovery.

 

     When she checked back on him, she found her grandson deep in contemplation of something he had shown her earlier. Thankfully, he had not been following her actions. She had quickly sealed up the bond’s link and aided the illusion back into place. She had spent many hours in meditation after that meeting.

 

     The next session, when T’Pau had been satisfied that Spock would not discover her, she once again had peeled back the illusion and reached out to stroke the thread. It had flared to Life and drew her towards it much like the warmth of the Sun.

 

     Once on the other side, she found the most dynamic mind she had felt since before the time of her Father or Grandfather. What was even more amazing was how this individual’s mind had not rejected hers. It was aware that she was entering its mind from a bond, and that her goal was peaceful. Not many minds would have responded in that fashion, as most would have tried to resist or fight.

 

     No, this mind had experienced not just touch of a Psychic but also that of several Vulcans. The disembodied state allowed her to flow into every inch of the individual, allowing her to explore its feelings, thoughts, and memories.  The individual did not hide or prevent her in her quest, but instead followed and would gently direct her towards answers when she had found herself posing questions. No, this individual’s mind had not only been just dynamic it was so achingly beautiful.

 

     This individual was a Tarsus IV survivor she had learned. Someone whose young life had been filled with death and grief, even before they had set foot on that doomed Colony. Who despite the carnage had survived and still could love with their very Soul. “ _Oh, young one, why have you hidden so_?” She had asked and her only response was to be the faint words that drove her back into her medication chamber. “ _Because he does not want me_.” Oh, that foolish Grandchild of hers.

 

     Each session T’Pau spent with Spock she worked diligently to prepare him for Bonding. But, she also had divided her time to gently whisper words of council to the individual on the other end of the thread. She tried to coax the individual to unravel their illusion and toss away the disguise that prevented Spock from learning of the individual’s existence in his mind. Her hopes had been to allow the two to unite after realizing how special their bond truly was. T’Pau had never been one to meddle or spend much time matchmaking for those within her House. It was not something she found time to indulge in with what precious time she had to herself. But, something had called to her each time she had touched the mind of the individual. A brilliant youth, whose courage and fortitude, would make for a brilliant alliance when partnered with the House of Surak. Not only that, but he had displayed something no other had ever dared showed to her outside of Amanda and herself, an unconditional love for her grandson.

    

     A love they seemed to share. So each time they had spoken, T’Pau had ferreted out the facts as she could get them. What she found had surprised her. That Spock had been aware of the chemistry between him and the Youth. He had even gone so far as to give indications of possible reciprocation of the Youth’s feelings. The news had surprised her as she had such conflicting stories between the three individuals’ involved. When she had asked, the youth had shown her a childhood memory of Tarsus IV, of a tiny starved Child’s longing for an apple as it was devoured by another. Upon the discovery of another apple, rather than the Child consuming it, the Child had split it amongst the other starving Children. “ _The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one_.”  Oh, Childe. Her wit triggered by the metaphor. Spock was _not_ an apple. An airy chuckle had greeted her quip. “ _No, if he was, my love Granny Smiths will have become more than a borderline perverse_.” T’Pau had thought once thought that there could never be something that could bring her Katra to tears as had the death of her bondmate. This youth wit, so like that of Amanda’s, had proven her beliefs wrong.

 

     Yet, her hopes were in vain the day that Spock arrived to announce that Ms. Uhura had started treatments for IVF therapy. He had confessed it during one of their sessions, bring the news that he while he had not agreed with the decision to start so early, he could not prevent Nyota from doing what she wished to do with her own body. T’Pau was appalled, as it was not part of the Ways of Vulcans to do such procedures before Bonding. Nor, without the Approval of the Head of House in which said offspring were to be born into.

 

     That very same day, the precious Youth slammed shields down so firmly in place upon the news that T’Pau had been driven out of his side of the bond. A simple conversation, one that would have received a few Masters of Gol’s compliments at how devoid the Youth had sounded of emotions. “ _I told you he had not wanted me. Does not want me. Now, you have proof that Spock cares little about whatever bond we formed. It would be ‘illogical’ to prevent him from having a Family with Uhura. I cannot dissolve whatever we have from here. I will do what I can but you must help me. Please, for Spock’s sake, help me make the illusion I have created permanent_.” And with that, the brilliant star twinkled out in a flash as the shields appeared.

 

     She heart had given a painful throb in her side as she had believed that Youth’s voice would forever echo into her last days. No one, especially a mind so blessed with such a _katra_ , should have to amputate such strong feelings on his or her own. To do so, was to guarantee a life-long emotional scar that aside from becoming a Master of Gol, would ever be allowed to heal.

 

     T’Pau had shielded Spock from the Youth’s departure as she could not longer detect the translucent thread behind the barriers he had constructed so suddenly. Spock had been blissfully unaware, due to her intervention and now she would honor the Youth’s request. After all, no one should have to make such a noble sacrifice alone. Nor, should any _T’hy’la_ when confronted alone with the kind of heartbreak her stupid grandson was invoking.

 

     She would have had to break a few Vulcan laws but faced with the alternative, she could not have stood by and done nothing. So she dulled and masked the pain severely before disguising Spock’s starving T’hy’la bond with the appearance of a broken Familial bond of a ‘distant’ fictions Clansman who was to had not survived the Day of Destruction. Only then, did T’Pau lower the shields she had erected and broke to Spock the news she had ‘discovered’.

 

     She carried within her heart the knowledge of her actions. Watched as Spock broke Vulcan tradition and flaunted his new **_yeht-fam_** bondmate’s actions as if Vafer-Tor was heralding a New Age for Vulcan-Human relations within Starfleet.

 

     T’Pau felt as if her age had finally caught up with her then. She alone had knowledge of what could have been a true heralding of a New Age. But upon the Youth’s heart wrenching request had done what she could to keep her grandson in the realm of the Living. After losing so many of her Clan, she was willing as the Head of the House of Surak to do what was needed to keep those remaining safe.

 

     On the day of Spock’s Bonding, she had been moved during the formal ceremony to speak to her wayward grandson as she linked him to his Psi-Null bride. In the silence of his mind, she had chastised the foolish boy for his actions and made a point to state her feelings. Her grandson had replied that there was nothing he would desire more than to fulfill his duties and honor of being a member of the House of Surak.

 

     Personally, T’Pau cursed her grandson at his ability to be so obtuse, as that certainly wasn’t a trait he had gained from Amanda, may her _katra_ rest in peace.

 

     Thus, she had watched, as Spock welcomed his daughter into the world. How Sarek, had blossomed under the exposure of his granddaughter and begun the slow process of recovery.

 

     Yet, deep within her, T’Pau remembered the Youth who had a fondness of apples and who once shared her tidbits of memories of Spock while being pranked or while routed on the chessboard. T’sea was worthy of life, true. But, at what cost to a life already struggling to live?

 

     To T’Pau, on sleepless nights, this was a question that ate at her _katra_. She was certain for sake of her grandchild. For T’sea, that the Youth who had already sacrificed so much had yet again willingly starved himself.

 

     _There were too many mouths, stomachs, and hearts to try to feed from one solitary single green apple_.

 

     At moments like that, when her thoughts had turned dark at the memories the Youth had shared, T’Pau, great Lady of the House of Surak would openly weep in the darkness.

 

     Then, early one morning, Spock arrived upon her doorstep visibly shaken and in distress. Something was wrong. She had waved away formality and servants wishing to set table. Instead, she pulled him into the morning nook of the kitchen after dismissing the staff. She had set the kettle of the fire to boil water for tea and began the process to tidy the space. Amanda had once confided in her that Spock responded better to ‘talking’ if he believed her to be occupied on the tasks of making food rather than a more Vulcan-like ‘interrogation’ line of questioning. Effective in the Past, T’Pau had decided to see if Spock would speak from his _katra_.

 

     “My _T’hy’la_ has died.”

 

     The pot T’Pau had been holding dropped like a stone to the floor and had filled the small space with a dreadful sound. T’Pau had felt her heart all but race against her ribs. Her whole body had begun to tremble and her ears had not stopped that deafening ringing. It was only then had she registered the look of shock on Spock’s face. Followed by it was the rapid look of utter betrayal and stomach turning grief, as each one of the feelings swept over her grandson’s face before they had disappeared. Silence had stretched out once the sound of the pot had finished its dying echoes. It was some time before Spock broke it.

 

     “You had knowledge that I had a _T’hy’la_.” Spock’s voice had so much emotion barely restrained in its depths that T’Pau could not have missed the disappointment held there.

 

     “Yes. I had known. I discovered his presence upon our first Bonding session.”

 

     “Why was I not told?” Spock had nearly growled.

 

     “Because, upon contact, your _T’hy’la_ informed me that you had made it clear he was unwanted. You will remember that I did try many times to discourage your bonding with she who is now your bondmate. Your _T’hy’la_ had done everything he could do to minimize your bond’s appearance in your mind. I would not be surprised if he suffered much to do so. I hypothesize if you had seen his thread many times you must have overlooked it thinking it was merely a broken childhood bond from Vulcan.”

 

     A strangled sound was her only answer from Spock.

 

     “Why would he have done that?”

 

     “He was very powerful in the ways of the mind. A true artist, your  _T’hy’la_ , in both his organization and his skills within a mind meld. You sorely underestimated him and he used that to hid your bond. Though, he had my help in the end before you took she who is now your wife.”

 

     “That was not your right!”

 

T’Pau turned then and confronted a male of her House with all of the bearing of her status. Her words, though carefully chosen, had been terse. Her tone had been the equitant to a human’s shout. Vulcans could, when pressed, express rage.

 

     “I did what I felt I must! I did it not out of love for you but for love of such a pure _katra_ like I had found in that Childe and in memory of she who was your mother.  Amanda would have understood and I did what had to be done to protect those of my House. Your actions were what decided what happened that day. You, in your blindness, shared your wife’s IVF plans not just with me but with him as well. He broke contact and forced me from the meld, stating that I now had proof of your blindness to his heart. It was his wish, your _T’hy’la_ , to have your bond blocked so you could start the family you so desired.”

 

She threw a cup and watches as it shattered.

 

     “You fell right into that chit’s trap by believing in rumors and innuendo about your ‘ _human_ ’ courtship. I had plenty of time to witness your behavior before your bonding with that woman and there was never a time I agreed with your assessment. I only allowed your bonding when it became clear you had forced away one of the most precious of gifts and foolishly allowed for that woman to willfully impregnate herself with the Seed of the House of Surak.  Elsewise, I would have never allowed the ceremony. You compromised both your honor and now mine. I had to listen to that childe tears and have seen with my own eyes all there was to see of his _katra_. He sacrificed his every desire because he believed you had believed in those very lies about his past. His sacrifice was so you could have the family you had spoken of wanting.”

 

     Spock clearly had not known what to say or do. Never had T’Pau spoken thus in his presence; nor had he been the catalyst to rile her temper.

 

     “I cannot stay with my bondmate. She has been keeping me from being able to know of issues pertaining to the Enterprise and prevented those on the Enterprise from contacting me in return. She did this not only to the House Comm and personal PADDs but to the ones linked at Sarek’s and at the High Council. So distracted I have been that it wasn’t until this morning and . . .Jim’s death…. that I learned of the codes.”

 

     T’Pau had not surprised by this announcement but had also found herself deeply disturbed by the news. Had this affected the main frame? Had the high Council been cut off from Starfleet? How long had the contact been compromised? On the surface, the argument could be that it had merely had a filter-effect on content. Surely there had been contact with Earth in the past few months. But, the far-reaching ramifications were clear that the ex-Communications Officer had prevented contact with Starfleet. No matter how much she may have disliked her soon-to-be former daughter-in-law, the High Council would not take to such news lightly.

 

     Three of the remaining Council members had lost their whole Clans due to the Tragedy and the communications blackout that had prevented more evacuations than those that had escaped or beamed aboard the Enterprise. News like this would not sit well once made known amongst them. Nor, would it be that, there had been a breach in the new firewalls of the High Council’s mainframe by someone who had inserted unauthorized communication codes. If anything, Vulcans could get bent out of shape about their technical skills and if they believed themselves above a human in difficultly, it would rub the to others raw. _Foolish woman_.

 

     Not even as the Head of the House of Surak could she much in the way of protecting the ex-Communications Officer from Starfleet. In fact, it would be natural for the High Council, as there was no go around in their protocols regarding interference with a Flagship’s Communications System. Not even intimidating the Fleet Admiral was going to work this time, T’Pau had reflected.

 

     “Grandmother, I do not know what to do about the child.” Spock admits. “Yes, I wanted children but it should never have come at this cost. I cherish T’sea. However, the rage I feel is equal to my grief. I do not know if I can hold her or touch her without these dark thoughts of mine seeping through unto her young consciousness. She would not be adequately shielded nor can I in my current state suppress them. I could not bear if it T’sea were to believe in her childhood that I do not value who she is or wish to deny her very existence. However, I cannot contain this heartbreak. I must go to the Enterprise. I cannot stay with Nyota, as her lies cannot be forgiven. I fear she has known all along. There is mounting evidence now she must have known about the bond I shared with . . .”

 

     A sharp swallow filled the silence before Spock had forced himself to continue.

 

     “I believe now she had prior evidence of the bond I had with Jim. That even if she did not know it was a _T’hy’la_ bond, she suspected we had bonded and made use of my confusion in grief to convince me otherwise.”

 

     Spock had looked so lost then like the child she once had comforted on Vulcan when distressed at his parents departure for Earth. It had taken many visits for T’Pau to discover the extent of the bullying that had run rampant in Spock’s school.

 

     “I just do not want to dishonor T’sea. She is so like Jim when she projects to me images of the stars. He used to do that. I thought it was merely a dream or illusion, but he was projecting images to me through the bond, wasn’t he?

 

     T’Pau had turned back to the hearth then to attempt another pot of tea. How she had missed Amanda, whose goodness and emotions could have soothed even her wearisome _Katra_. What was she to tell her grandson, whom she had committed several crimes against as viewed in Vulcan Culture? Should she even be allowed to give her opinion? Was she able to? She treasured her family yet how had she allowed for them all to suffer so?

 

     “I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was. That boy was so gifted that I am sure he would have tried to do whatever he could to get your attention. He once showed me images of your shore leave on Risa and that little stunt you pulled with at youthful navigator yours. I should mention that was highly illegal, you know, should you have been caught. Your diplomatic immunity does not cover acts of . . .”

 

     Spock’s stunned and utterly devastated expression had been a tender moment of victory of T’Pau on behalf of Spock’s _T’hy’la_. Obviously, her grandson had never fully understood how truly gifted his Captain had been to have shown that misadventure to his Grandmother while she had been in Spock’s own mind during a meld session all while he had been oblivous to the exchange.

 

     “I never thought anyone would even know of that experience than those of us who had participated. We had planned it that way as to leave little evidence.”

 

     Spock voice had sounded small and brittle.

 

     “Spock, you must know that child had been through a hell no Vulcan could have ever have survived. In the ancient rituals of Kahs-wan,young Vulcans see into that Abyss, this is true. Those that return are marked as Men. Yet, in the end, their eyes . . . even your own eyes . . . only peer into the Abyss for a few moments. Spock, that childe had lived in that Abyss for who knows how long before he had crawled out of it reaching towards the stars. You must resolve yourself to knowing you have lost a chance at loving that childe. Go make peace with that loss. Then, we shall work to protect your daughter from feeling that loss within yourself. T’sea will wish to travel to those very stars, my Childe. Let’s do what we can to ensure she never looks into that same Abyss.”

 

     Spock had then tossed a data chip onto the table towards T’Pau. At her arched eyebrow, his sole response was to the word ‘ _evidence_ ’.

 

     Then he detailed his plans to submit the dissolution paperwork with the Clan records keeper before boarding the transport off world. They had quickly gotten to work with dealing with Spock upcoming absence.

 

     Then the scene at the House had occurred when Spock had confronted his bondmate with her actions. T’Pau wrapped her emotions tightly behind her shields at that point. Her _katra_ had felt weary at that point. This Woman had jeopardized so much for what? Human jealousy? Did she not understand that truths have a way of becoming discovered and the devastation that can be left behind when a Vulcan parent begins to fear touch-transference between their children and themselves? That Vulcan babies had died before as a results of exactly those very same issues. “What a tangled web we weave…” as man once said.

 

     She had not taken pleasure at stating the facts of the situation nor did T’Pau stay much longer after Spock himself had departed. She had been certain Sarek would have visited by now and perhaps even after this saga ended they may still have hope to grasp to.

 

     Yet, it was at times like these that T’Pau felt her method slip and her shields weaken to allow her age to show. Amanda had been a rare Vulcan flower, with her grace and exotic tendencies. Spock’s _T’hy’la_ had been a Supernova; a beautiful star that had started in the Abyss of space to glow and shine unlike any star she had ever seen. Only like all stars endings, to burst apart in an explosion that left lasting echoes of its death to be seen across the universe.

 

 _Ah, she really was getting too old for this_.

 

 

ND: Okay folks, this was a quick upload because I might not get the chance to finish the polish on Scotty's or Uhura's chapters until after Fanime 2013. Also, for those of you who are wondering, this chapter is not yet Star Trek: Into Darkness compatiable. I have actually not yet seen the movie. Bones's and Scotty's chapters along with Sarek's are now on hold to decide if I have to tweek them or not. Q has blocked my seach engines so getting spoilers is not an option. Clever little Bugger! Good news is I am almost done with this semester, so I'll be able to finish polishing all these chapters I have been sitting on half-finished. Don't Hate T'Pau. She loves her family and isn't above doing what needs to be done. Let's just hope she'll be able to live with the concequences of her own role in all of this.

 

 

 


	6. Interstellar Shockwaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has bonded with Uhura and transferred off the Enterprise to raise his family on Vafer-Tor. However, he is awoken one morning by the soul-trenching feeling of his heart breaking. What could have possibly happened?
> 
> Warning: I am not an anti-Uhura writer by far but to throw in a little angst, this story just happened to form and who was I to say ‘no’. So, if you’re a Uhura fan, please don’t bash, I promise there will be more stories to come where she is much different. Also, there is a possible trigger: Parents who don’t have good relationships with their kids and the Partners they had them with. So, if that kind of stuff triggers you, I apologize in advance. You might not want to read it. However, it always provides good angst material . . .so that is what I went with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Same shpiel, different day.  I do not own the rights to any and all of the works by Gene Roddenberry, his fellow creators, J.J. Abrams and his co-visionaries, and the Production Companies of TV Series and Films alike. Star Trek franchise is owned by Paramount Pictures, a division of Viacom. All the copyrights associated with Star Trek belong to them. The performance fully accredited to the gifted actors who portrayed their characters. These people are all truly gifted and their talent deserves any and all credit. The writer of this story is earning no profit. I merely claim influence towards writing of this story and the temporary borrowing of their characters, locations, and names. No animals were harmed in the making of this story. Tribbles, Le-matya or otherwise. All characters were returned to their original states and locations where they may were once this story concluded. The only residual effects may have been a “Q” encounter-like memory loss. This writer hopes the disorientation is only temporary.
> 
>  
> 
> The Author would also like to apologize for the late update. Between the Q and McCoys, she has been dodging her updates until the boys could voice their piece. Which gets complicated when they all take over her apartment as they argue. However, now that peace has been made, tweaks can be made to the Timeline and the chapters fixed accordingly. Lesson learned? Yes!
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Stardate 2261.12  ~  Spacedock (Security Check-Point 3)

 

 

     McCoy felt completely drained. Picking up his carryall from the checkpoints scanner, he walked towards the shuttle loading security cleared staff. He would have easily another half hour before he would be able to collapse in his quarters. Until then, he would have to just tough it out.

 

     He felt like the ass end of an Arcturian dog bird and confirmed his fears by running his free hand through his hair. He must look a fright. As soon as he got to his quarters it would do some good to get clean.

 

     Being the CMO of the Enterprise had made him accustomed to some of the longest debriefing amongst some of the highest-ranking members of both Starfleet and the Federation Council. The room would always be uncomfortable and suppressive.  People in power of the Fleet, expressing their concerns whilst also exposing their individual fears; it never changed. However, all those previous debriefings held one common denominator that was now achingly absent. 

  
     There had been someone else previously in Jim Kirk's corner other than McCoy himself. Someone who despite his skills at tactical politics also had been able to wrangle Jim like one does a young stallion in a way Leonard had once compared him to be. The Old Man had always pulled for the Kid. No matter if Jim had been the one to fuck things up or not.

  
     The loss of Christopher Pike had been most noticeable today more than ever. Watching Jim when he had spent months in a deep depression after his father figure's death had been hard. Even harder when those present today were so flippant at the sacrifice made by a brilliant Captain who could have easily doubled as the Enterprise’s Chief Engineer.

  
     Jim Kirk had to be . . . had been one of the most aggravating friends Leonard made in the years since he left Georgia. The boy had driven him to the brink of sanity more than once with the harebrain capers that Infant could come up with. It just hurt him down to his ‘Bones’ that rather than commend Kirk, the Admiralty seemed to want to paint his friend as a scapegoat.

 

     Leonard McCoy had always been a man with a low tolerance for horseshit.  That wasn’t the way his Grandma had raised him. Eloisa ‘Grandma’ McCoy may have married young and during a time when her choice in a suitor would lock her into living Planet-side verses trekking the unknown Universe for the next new discovery. However, despite all that her sharp mind had stayed sharp despite her fixed location in Atlanta, Georgia.

 

     “ _People always did try to dress things up to be what they weren’t_ ,” she had often said. 

 

     Now, hours after departing from his “official” debriefing, Leonard felt like he needed a shower. Good old-fashioned hot water; none of that Sonic nonsense. His skin felt like it was practically crawling. The Admiralty did not care to see or listen to what he and Montgomery had had to say while they had each given their turns.  The whole circus was in play and nobody seemed to want to hear the truth.  Hence, Leonard was reminded of how low his tolerance was for the type of horseshit these fools were slinging.

 

     Never stopped him from being able to call them as he seen them.  Sometimes, when he was left alone with his thoughts, Leonard felt his advanced triage training in combat situations gave him a cynical view of the world.  Being able to tell when someone was genuinely in pain or facing possible death rather than a lesser, non-life threatening problem had become a vital skill. However, it was a skill that could turn into a double-edged sword at times. Particularly when dealing with people who were not part of the Events assuming they understood how the damage had been caused. 

 

    His training had taught him to look beyond the momentary and at the deeper, unknown truths. For instance, many blunt or sharp objects could cause catastrophic damage. Being able to detect which type ultimately lead to the difference between a patient dying on his table or opening their eyes again. Yet, these goddamn fools were proving just how little they cared out that truth. Lies and misdirection had been the topic of the day in that damn room. Leonard wasn’t sure what disgusted him more. The lies or misdirection; all of which was flying around almost as much as what would expect to see during a spectator’s sport. 

 

     All he could do now was getting to his quarters, shower and then meet Montgomery for that bottle of Bourbon they’d discussed.

 

 

 Stardate 2261.12  ~  Enterprise (CMO’s Quarters)

 

 

     The emptiness of Leonard’s quarters bespoke how utterly deprived his life had become. Surveying the stark bare-shelving and empty closet, he took a long draw from the glass holding several fingers worth of dark amber liquid. The Scotsman sure knew his alcohol.  He felt the liquid silk burn light fire down his throat. Too bad, the Enterprise CEO had begged off to bury himself in Systems repairs. He had secreted the bottle into Leonard’s quarters with a note stating an excuse with the warp core.  The man could have used a drink. However, Leonard knew after their talk that Montgomery was just as emotional bruised as he was. Tinkering with repairs helped the Scotsman focus and heal, so it would be best to leave things be.

 

     The Admirals had all but shredded the poor man and questioned the many now unexplained alternations Jim had approved while he was Captain. Jim had obviously been turning a blind eye on the activities in the Engineering Bay with the understanding that the CEO would just keep him in the loop. Half the designs practically reeked of Jim’s own form of unique design skills and ingenuity. How else would he have been able to hack the systems to safe the ship so quickly if not for being their Engineer?

 

     Now, if Jim had just kept someone else in the Loop say perhaps Admiral Archer; then the blood bath could have been avoided. But, knowing his friend and the computer genius that he was, the Admiralty wasn’t going to wait the couple of centuries it would take to decode Kirk’s Captain’s Log. No, they would just shoot and then ask questions later.

 

     Or, they would just claim deniability that Jim had ever made the approval.

 

     He was going to need something stronger than this bloody Bourbon. Leonard whipped a hand over his face while he dangled his glass in other fist.  

 

     Damn the Infant! Jim himself had recommended half of those alterations. On top of that, without them, Jim wouldn’t have had time to save the ship the way he had. It was almost as if Jim had been anticipating possible scenarios which would include being able to access each of those upgrades quickly and efficiently. Fast enough to save the Enterprise without much of an afterthought.

 

     Leonard set the glass down on his desk next to the bottle and monitor. Next to that, his room was devoid of next to all of the personal items he had on board. At the moment, everything was tucked away to avoid being thrown.

 

     One day on their way back from the incident, when the pain had become too much to handle he had just snapped. Leonard had shoved every last one of his belongings, many of which had reminded him of his friend, into several anti-grav suitcases. Said suitcases were under tight security in one of the smaller holds. Hendorff had seen to their lockdown personally, with a promise to keep any of the Spacedock crews out.

 

     Leonard had stayed with his quarters in that barren state, all the way back to Spacedock. Jim had been the one to help him decorate when they had first gotten the posts of the Enterprise CMO and Captain. Damn it. His friend had even surprised him with halo frames of Joanna. Stills and Vid Footage, some of which Leonard had never seen before. Those treasures were twice as precious in their value today than they were six months ago. Thus, it would mean barren walls until he could get past his anger fits and avoid tossing his friend’s mementos. 

 

     Now, looking out his viewport towards the internal hull of Spacedock with only a bottle of smuggled Bourbon to keep him company, Leonard let himself feel.

 

     His chest ached something fierce and it felt like a hole had opened up in his chest under his left pectoral and was squeezing the air out of his lungs each time he took a breath.

 

     He couldn’t actually say what exactly hurt more. The impression that the Admiralty gave upon the debriefing, where a few select Admirals had all but outright implied that it had sheer clumsiness of Jim’s part that he had died. Or, that Jim had been trying to emulate another famous Starfleet Captain by putting his life above others.  The room had remained silent when those words had been uttered. Leonard had wanted to spit nails.  Jim had lived in his father’s blasted shadow his whole life and even now there were some who wouldn’t give the damn infant his due.

 

     His friend had saved his and everyone else’s lives that day. The bitterness at the loss and the regret at having not had the chance to say goodbye nestled deep within Leonard’s chest. Jim was gone. This was the second time the Infant had left Leonard without any chance to be by his side. Last time he had been lucky. Fucking Tribble and an experimental serum from a psychotic Super-Human, he had pulled Jim back from the grips of Death. This time, he had nothing. You cannot bring someone back from the dead with a super serum if there is no body to use it on. Jim’s body couldn’t even be detected in the field of wreckage that had trailed behind the ship while at adrift. Sulu had been forced to help sedate Chekov when the youngling had refused to give up the recovery search.

 

     As CMO, he felt like he had failed his friend, his Captain. Goddamn it, Jim was never coming back again and all these pompous windbags could do was jeer about how he was attempting to pull a George Kirk like stunt.

 

     Perhaps the hurt had been because there were so few voices from the Council that could speak on Jim’s behalf. Not because they did not wish to but because of the just sheer shock at what the loss of his friend had meant to the Federation.

 

     Some of the key Federation Council members had just sat at the large table in still silence. Their presence was unusual but Leonard didn’t give a damn. The Vulcan representative had been noticeably absent. Odd. They deserved to know of such a dangerous Event occurring in space. No one should be kept in the blind like the Enterprise had. A few seemingly struck dumb by the news in Leonard’s report. Others had looked as if they were taking moments to greave over the loss of a great man.

 

     One Council member, of whom Leonard had once assumed disliked Jim, had confided with McCoy later “ _the loss of Captain James T. Kirk for the Federation would have lasting repercussions_.” The member had been so honest in his grief; Leonard had been stunned at his disclosure.

 

     At first, Leonard had worried it had been a threat but upon closer inspection his medical training allowed for him to see that the Council member was in a state of similar shock. The dislike had been feigned and probably stemmed from the fact that Jim had spurned the attentions of the Council members’ offspring with a polite dismissal due to his status as a Captain.

 

     Leonard was far from stupid. He could read between the lines that the loss of Jim would mainly felt from Treaties that were signed for the sole fact that Jim had been the one representing the Federation in negotiations. That, in the act of good faith, many times those new Federation members of Planets had stayed despite some of the bureaucracy and some of the cultural problems that still would occasionally raise issues here or there. But for the most part they stayed because they had faith in Jim. Because they had known Captain Kirk was a fair advocate.

 

     They might not always like the conditions of an agreement but they understood having Jim Kirk in your corner meant a whole lot.  That was why if they were smart and got that they had stayed because they had faith in what the Captain of the Enterprise had represented; they had faith in his friend.

 

     Because of Jim’s stalwart nature and his ability to make people want to do better. The news of his misfortune came at what felt like a too high of a cost. Leonard had seen it amongst the crew during their limping pace back to the Spacedock. No level on the Enterprise, no department had been unaffected amongst the crew. No, Leonard was sure that if the Enterprise could be a judge of the curve, the Admirals were being too lax in their estimations. If anything, they were underestimating what would be the response amongst the Federation if it were known that Jim was dead.

 

     That, if those individuals who knew and valued Jim from the Council had been silent, it was because out of deep respect accompanied by a sense of true sorrow.

 

     Yet, those pompous racehorses pranced around wanting to show tail. That grand standing would surely come to a screeching halt once those treaties were challenged.

 

     Leonard reminded himself that if he gave in to the temptation of heaving the bottle of Bourbon across his quarters, he’d have to pick up the glass. Still, the urge to throw something was strong.

 

     In the mean time, Leonard was not too sure of what would happen what would people say or do or any type of movement could move forward after the loss of departure after such a valued friend leave so many unanswered questions.

 

    Jim had been so lost those last couple of Stardates. Long before the Event, the first series of cascading events that led up to the ‘incident’. Too many days had Leonard had found Jim suddenly seated in his sickbay. Usually, the damn fool had avoided Sickbay like the plague.

 

     Typically, on an average day aboard the Enterprise, Leonard would have to abuse his CMO privileges just to track his friend down. Boy flat out refused to follow standard protocol and stay on the Bridge. In the past, having the Hobgoblin aboard had been a good thing as at least that bastard refused to lie and say that the Captain was in the chair when the Infant was dangling like a crazy loon in Engineering.

 

     Before the Event, with increased frequency, Leonard had found Jim perched up his regular bio-bed accompanied by a light-hearted expression plastered his face. A mask his friend seemed to forget he could read through after all the years spent together.

 

     Leonard took a slow, shaky breath before reaching for his glass again.

 

     The damn fool had schooled him to see past that goofy exterior to the tender hearted youth beneath. Back when Leonard had discovered Jim had hacked into the dormitory database to reassign McCoy to be his dorm mate. Bastard had let him think for months it had been sheer randomness he was bunking with the guy he’d met on the shuttle until he had found the bloody Infant nursing a cracked orbital socket from picking a bar fight. Years later, as the Enterprise CMO, he would learn those early nurtured skills would become a part of his technique to diagnosis his stubborn friend.

 

     It was always some new injury, some new incident. A new reckless endeavor, which Jim would try to laugh off, as just a little nothing or some such nonsense. Only it wasn’t just nonsense. It all had left him worried for his friend. Leonard knew this pattern. Jim was killing himself without actually committing the deed. His friend had been biding his time, tempting Fate to come out and play.

 

     Leonard had even debated contacting Archer. With Pike death, there were few he trusted to reach Jim. It had taken years for Jim to open up about how he knew such a high-ranking Admiral just as Archer by his first name. That and access to Jim’s restricted Medical file had helped explain a lot. In some small hope, Leonard had thought that perhaps one of the oldest and dearest friends to Jim’s soul would have been able to answer the questions that Jim needed to have answered.

 

     Or, at least provide a friendly ear to help resolve whatever it was that was eating his friend up from the inside. Jim had hated Starfleet shrinks. Leonard couldn’t say that he blamed him. Standard shrink spent half their training dirt-side and the rest split between brief stints on a rotational schedule in various ships station across the quadrants or hopping space stations. Few would ever be lucky enough to land permanent postings after their time in the Med. It led to burn out on the shrinks part and bad medicine on behalf of the patient eight tenths of the time.

 

     Thus, Leonard reasoned contacting Archer would lead to better results than sending off a request to Starfleet Medical for a shrink. The Enterprise had the standard dual certified personnel onboard, but Jim was too close to them all and wouldn’t have been likely to open up.

 

     Leonard, despite their relationship, had failed. Archer would appear less threatening and stood a better chance.

 

     Instead, Leonard would learn after attempting contact that Jim had installed a code to warn him should the CMO try to contact Archer for non-medical reasons. So, instead of talking to Archer dirt-side the call got routed to Jim’s tablet instead.

 

     Paranoid bastard. Jim had suffered two weeks worth of mandatory counseling sessions for that particular prank. It was the worst Leonard could do without writing up a full report and citing Jim. He groused about it but in the end he didn’t want it to reflect in Jim’s permanent record. It just would mean he had needed to keep a closer eye on his friend is all.

 

     The Bourbon in his glass started to get a little low so he topped it off before taking another healthy swallow.  The drink burned its way down his throat and he stifled a cough. Leonard felt his eyes grow misty as he looked out the viewport again.

 

     Archer had been present for the debriefing. However, due to his position, he had voluntarily forfeited his position to speak professionally.  He had nearly wept when Archer went on record stating that he was emotionally compromised by the loss of Kirk. In many ways, that had been the only highlight Leonard had walked away from the nightmare of a debriefing experience with.

 

     Leonard knew medicine like the back of his hand, but even his ex-wife Jocelyn had the ability to stick it to him that he was terrible at acting the role of confessor. Might have been because he had zero tolerance for human stupidity. Or, perhaps it was because he just wasn’t all that good with emotions. But, for the most part, he felt that the truest tragedy was the fact that he couldn’t heal whatever had been wrong with Jim.

 

     Jim had behaved with many classic symptoms of emotional compromised grief after the loss of a mate. Being a CMO with a specialty in Xenomorphic biology, he could have sworn Jim had exhibited signs similar to that of species with bondmates the Federation.

 

     Only, Jim wasn’t . . . had not been bonded as far as any official Starfleet documentation was concerned.

 

     McCoy would have known as his attending first thing. But, the Infant didn’t just have him listed as his primary physician; his had been like the little brother Leonard couldn’t imagine his life without. Yet, Jim had been hurting in a way that had been driving him into reckless behavior. Borderline crazy. He had wanted to help the man who in many ways was his best friend.

 

     Leonard had been unable to and now he would never be able to try.

 

     Swiping at the tears tracking down his face, he reminded himself to take a few deep breaths.

 

     Despite his vast capacity for Medical related Healing Arts, Leonard had been left stupefied at first as to why Jim never recovered from the loss of their once former XO and the Vulcan’s absence from the Bridge. The Hobgoblin went off happily bonded with the clever linguist to raise a little hobgoblin on the Vulcan colony.

 

     Looking out on the viewport, he took a swift gulp of his glass while watching a supply shuttle make a run from the inner space dock to the loading bay of the Enterprise. Thinking back on days before the Vulcan’s departure, he felt the frustration blindside him.

 

     Leonard had been surprised when Uhura had first come to Sickbay. She usually had not been on his roster of patients until the Annual checkups. During away mission pre/post checks had she been sent planet-side, M’Begna had been her usual doctor. Mostly due to Leonard’s overload and that if Uhura had gone planet side it always meant Jim had gone as well. As Jim’s primary care, Captain had trumpeted CCO unless the Lieutenant had a major injury. More often than not, Jim was the one coming back from the surface with an issue.

 

     Yet, Leonard had found himself in congress with Uhura speaking in hushed tones as to the nature of her relationship with the Vulcan. The bits and pieces that he had been able to garner from their conversations was that Uhura was planning on using _IVF_ after there had been many failed attempts at childbearing.

 

      He pushed the now empty glass off his desk in a wide swipe of his arm. It tumbled to the floor with a muted thud. Not the same effect as shattering against a wall but still it felt like a small accomplishment.

 

     She had been the picture of a woman in despair at the lack of her own fertility, seeking medical reassurance of hope. She had spoken about how she and the Hobgoblin had been attempting for months without much success and how she wanted to keep the Vulcan from worrying that it might all be due to his hybrid make up.

 

     Leonard had not been exactly positive the two were as involved as she claim, as he felt skeptical that the Vulcan would break from traditional child practices.

 

     However, gossip on the ship had been fervent the past few weeks before she had shown up during his shift. Perhaps M’Begna had neglected to include the relationship status in her med file. 

 

     As CMO, it was usually his responsibility to file the Starfleet paperwork about the change of relationship status in the Enterprise mainframe. However, he trusted M’Begna enough professionally that had a lapse happened surely the man would take care of it. If Uhura would be applying for Vulcan marital status, which was a lengthy process on both the Starfleet and Vulcan sides, her Primary would be the main contact and receiver of any paperwork she and the Hobgoblin would have filed.

 

     Personally, Leonard had not been sure. Some part of him had remained skeptical about this part, as his duty had usually been to insure babies were not part of the Enterprise running procedures. Birth control and protecting crew was a part of the business of running a Sickbay. There typically was a ton of paperwork and protocols to follow to allow a couple to attempt childbirth. Let alone have sexual liaisons between officers of different rank. It was not that it was impossible, as Kirk was proof for that. George, his father had been a First Officer and Winona, his mother a Lieutenant of Engineering. They usually had taken paired assignments on the vessels.

 

     However, it was unnatural to have a crewmember come in to talk about voluntary pregnancy out of the blue. As far as he knew, the Vulcan High Council’s paperwork wasn’t in either of their medical files.

 

     It had stirred up a whole pile of road apples that had left his Sickbay in disarray ever since. Starfleet bloody protocols and what not.

 

     The rage on behalf of Jim now burned in a tight knot in his chest. Perhaps the Bourbon hadn’t been a good idea after all.

 

     After Spock had turned in their resignations, Jim had come to McCoy’s quarters late in the night. He hadn’t said a word, just thrust a batch of Scotty’s special brew into Leonard’s hands and gone to collapse against the bulkhead nearest to the viewport. Jim had gotten piss poor drunk that night in a way which surpassed His friend had repeated the scenario several times before the fateful stardate that tore Jim from his rightful place on the bridge of the Enterprise. No words were ever spoken. His little brother had just gone sullen and quiet.

 

     There had been many a stardate between odd patch-up jobs and daily life aboard the Enterprise that Leonard had found them falling into their old routine. Alcohol, synthetic or otherwise, followed by companionable silence. Jim had oddly focused on Bones/Joanna bonding with a renewed interest. He had not kicked up a massive fuss after Jim had gone silent and brooding for a week when he had questioned it.

 

     All Leonard had truly known was that Jim needed his presence but was still hurting something furious. He had just hoped in time Jim would have opened up on his own.

 

     He was still waiting.

 

     There had been “only” one moment, a slip really on Jim’s part once. He had curled up in the corner, half-drunk asleep when Leonard went to coax the brat on to the bed when he had heard tiny whispers of Vulcan. Words Leonard couldn’t hope to translate but their tone damn near broke his heart. The infant sounded like he was pleading not to be left alone, unseen in the darkness. Only Leonard couldn’t stay because the words were that of a language he had never specialized in.

 

     Looking back on it all now, Leonard cursed that he had not been more fluent in Vulcan.

 

     He had intended to corner the lunatic later but then there had been the incident planet-side on an away mission that had left Jim injured and confined to his quarters to sleep off the Compound Scapula Fracture, a particularly nasty Acromio-clavicular Joint Separation and an AC Joint Separation. The fool just hadn’t stayed down and listened to his CMO bed rest orders.

 

Leonard’s eyes closed as the memory of his despair and hurt that came each time the fragments of what happened beckoned him to come play.

    

     The Vid, which had arrived on his personal PADD once the Enterprise had regained its computer banks, had been the clincher. The lynch pin that had just about cripple the CMO as much as the Enterprise was herself.

 

     Jim had programmed it apparently to be sent in the eventuality of his possible death. Leonard had been informed that while previously recorded, it had remained dormant in Jim’s personal files and was only sent after a password had been failed to enter after a given Stardate. Well, it had been more complex than that or so the Lieutenant had tried to explain. Jest of it was, Jim had proven from the great beyond he was by far more of a genius anyone had ever taken him for.

 

     The Moron had been seated in the CMO office Leonard had realized with chagrin, most likely while he had probably been passed out in his Quarters or running around trying to find the Infant.

 

     “ _Hey Bones. I guess if you are watching this I must have messed up big cause this is really not how I wanted to ever have to confess. I always meant to let you know. It just felt like it would be too real if I ever actually said the words. Actually, this is not the first time I have tried to record a video. I keep trying but having to erase it and start over. Which isn’t helping with the whole confession part of it all_.”   

 

     Leonard had closed his fists and took a slow deep breath before choking on a sob.

 

     “ _Look I know right about now you are eating yourself alive for either loosing me on your biobed or something that went wrong on an away mission while you were stuck on the Enterprise. If so, I am sorry. Len, I didn’t mean to let you down. You have been more than a friend to me. You have become my family._ ”

 

     Leonard sometimes would re-watch the message over and over again just so he could hear those words. Damn straight, he had been family.

 

     “ _I promise to keep talking but I am just going to say what I need to say or else I will have to do another take of this. Bones, I know how you feel about marriage. That stuff that happened with you and Jocelyn . . . my Parents . . .Frank . . . Bones, it is hard to even know where to start. Half of what I am about to tell you are not going to believe. Mostly because you are just too plain stubborn but also because you are jaded._ ”

 

     Jim had not been lying. Leonard had just about gone into hypoxia when Jim had confessed.

 

    “ _I do not know when or how it happened. I am being straight up with you. I would not lie to you about something like this. Maybe not tell you to your face until I muster up a bit more courage. I am just making sure this is recorded somewhere just in case something happens. I am not even sure it is legal. But you need to know. You know my Med file backwards and forwards but I neglected to tell you something._ ”

 

     Jim had looked so lost. The blatant honesty and bluntness cut had at Leonard like a bone saw at first. Leonard had been tempted to roll his eyes at Jim ramblings until he had felt his stomach drop into his toes at Jim sudden solemnest.

 

     “ _I lied. Please do not hate me. I know I promised you when you became my physician that there would be no more lies. But, you see, this could not be helped. Pike never knew this when he recruited me. I tested out of the Starfleet PSI rating before I began learning Standard. I can promise that it was a certified Starfleet proctor and her clearance was as high as Admiral at the time. You would not be able to reach her now even if you try . . . lets just say that this is a secret she has kept to her grave. I will not be able to disclose how I cheated the later tests. I know it says PSI-null on my records. By now you know I kept a flag on the test results and there is a clever bit of code I wrote in that erases any changes back to PSI-null should your new tests have a ‘false’ positive._ ”

 

     Leonard had sat open mouth, utterly dumbstruck at Jim who had looked utterly remorseful.

 

     “ _Sorry about that. It is bad enough that I lied but that I hacked your files makes it a hundred times worse. Which is going to make what I tell you next even harder._ ”

 

     He had doubted anything Jim could have told him would top hacking into Starfleet Medical’s secured servers and uploading a code that would secretly run at any time from anywhere in the universe to update Jim’s records. His head hurt just thinking about how many scans he had run on Jim on an average basis and how often that code was put into use.

 

     “ _The reason I have been so off this past . . . well . . . I am not even sure how long but I am sure you have notice . . . that is I . . . there is no easy way to say this . . . fuck . . . I really should have just told you . . . this is going to suck so much if I am not there to explain in person. Thing is I cannot leave without confessing this because this effects not just me._ ” 

 

     The Boy never did make much sense when he started to get nervous. Which took a lot to get James T. Kirk, the Wonder, nervous as a boy on his first date.

 

     “ _Bones, I bonded. I do not know when or how._ ”

 

     Leonard had sworn his heart had stopped the first time he had heard those words. He had watched the video over and over again just to verify he had not misheard or gotten Jim’s meaning confused.

 

     “ _It does not matter now. What you need to know is that this is a Bond, which cannot simply be broken by myself. It is one of the strongest kinds that mind healers will not be able to dissolve or sever. It is rumored to cause bondmates to follow in death. Which is why I have to leave this to you. Please, Bones. I trust you. Only you. I know you are not going to want to help, especially now that you know the truth and the whole story. But you see, I refused to deny my bondmate even his slightest wish._ ”

 

     It had taken more than a few seconds during his first viewing before the rage grew in his chest. Every subsequent watching, it took all his will power to prevent utter chaos. Jim had known his bondmate and had suffered.

 

     “ _I know how screwed up it is for me to say this but I cannot give him what he deserves. Nor, does it seem like I can disclose the very thing that ties us together. Being bonded can and apparently has negatively affected my health. Possibly, has even interfered with my actions as Captain. What I am worried about now is his welfare. Legally, I had more than enough claim. Vulcan law states that a T’hy’la bond can be contested against a Marriage Bond in the event of the former existing before the later. The later can be dissolved in this instance. This is mainly in cases where the T’hy’la bond shows evidence that a T’hy’la bondmate is ill or adversely effected by a later marriage bond. Some documented cases state that a T’hy’la bond can have two outside marriage bonds. But in my research, all those cases were that the marriage bond occurred before a T’hy’la bond was established AND there were offspring from each of the other unions. It is all so complex and confusing. I know. But, more than anything, what I need for you to understand is why I did not present my case._ ”

 

     Raw. If a single word could describe how Leonard felt each time he listened to these next few moments, he would pick that word consistently.

 

     “ _Bones, his planet was destroyed. His mother died right in front of him. So much of his life has been ruled by others or taken from him as punishment for being nothing but who he is. I am sure you would try to argue with me but just trust me. I’ve been inside his head. I can tell you, despite, what you might say he does feel. He may look and behave like your average Vulcan but half the time he did it just to get a rise out of you._ ”

 

     He would be lying if he had not been utterly shocked when he pieced everything together.

 

     “ _Thing is, I do not know if without me around if his new life on Vafer-Tor will be enough to prevent his health from deteriorating. It is an ugly truth. Before T’sea was born, I had the help of a superior mind healer in buffering the Bond. We could not break it but we did what we could so he could move on with Uhura. They would not have been able to bond in their ceremony if ours had been found. Highly illegal stuff so I will not name names. Just know she did what she did because I asked her to._ ”

 

     Leonard still tasted the bitter sting of heartache for his friend.

     “ _She was already pregnant. I was in the bond talking to the Healer and then suddenly he was there talking about the news. How they needed to bond. I did what I did because I had to._ ”

 

     Only Jim. Self-sacrificing bastard.

 

     “ _I need you to watch out for him. T’sea might not be enough. If she had been born before our bond, then maybe we stood a chance. Now, I do not know. No one has any answers. It seems like they might have been lost with Vulcan. You know your Xenobiology, Bones_.”

 

     Replaying these next words in his head always inspired the inner parent in a man who once felt like only a pile of Bones.

 

     “ _Bones, T’sea will not make it without Spock. Uhura is PSI-null. Selek and pretty much all of the House of Surak that could help raise her will not be enough. The loss of Vulcan was too much._ ”

 

     Those words made him ache both, as a father and as a doctor. A human infant could die from lack of touch and bonding with a parent. Vulcan infants were equally susceptible only they required mental bonding. Most infants had at least two Vulcan parents.  Though more and more marriage bonds were being done with non-Vulcan partners. But loosing the primary mental bond of a birth parent at such a young age could be lethal. However, even worse would be if Spock survived but then neglected T’sea due to mourning Jim.

 

     “ _I stepped away because I wanted to keep both safe. Uhura. Even Sarek. But I have no idea what my death is going to reap on the living. Please. Keep them safe. You are my family. The Enterprise is my family . . .They are family._ ”

 

     A series of chirps and whistles broke his concentration and brought him back into the present. Moving toward the COMM unit, he gave a viscous jab at it.

 

     “McCoy. Before aye tells me, by Regs, I am to remind you I have logged off duty. If you need the CMO, call M’Beta or locate Marcus in Sickbay.”

 

     Silence greeted him over the empty vacuum of the open channel.

 

     “Bones? My old friend, is it a bad time?”

 

     A rush of air slipped out from past his lips before raw laughter gushed from his chest. Selek never seemed to miss a beat with his deliveries. Leonard could picture him now with a twinkle in is crafty eyes and one eyebrow arched up high in a mocking salute.

 

     “No, I wouldn’t necessarily say it is a bad time. More like not the best to be expecting me to be in the O.R. given today’s circumstances. Sorry, Selek, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

 

     Leonard ran a hand over his face and scoffed at the mulish tone he could hear in his voice.

 

     “Hence, the reason for my call. I have someone here who needs some of your time. Not medically, before you ask that question and no it is not me if that is what you are wondering. We did have breakfast together before you reported to the debriefing, if you can recall.”

 

     The warmth in the Vulcan-hybrid’s voice was probably as relaxing as another glass of that Bourbon would have been on his senses. Looking at the chronometer, he resolved that he would put his bottle away and clean up before meeting with Selek.

 

     “Let’s say the Spacedock’s Sub Level Five’s Observation Deck 3 in perhaps, twenty minutes?”

 

     Leonard could almost picture Selek’s answering grin. It still unnerved him how Selek could openly express emotions other Vulcans suppressed so violently.  He had another timeline’s Jim to thank for that. Anyone who might have doubted Vulcans had hearts and emotions like that of other beings had never met a Vulcan liberated by one James T. Kirk. No matter what universe or timeline, Jim would have that effect on any of them. So sayth Selek and he would be an authoritarian on that subject as he had been to more parallel universes than Leonard had.

 

     “We’ll be there waiting for you, Old Friend.”

 

     Walking into the refresher, Leonard went about the steps needed to cleanse his body of the stronger smells of alcohol and wash off the grime of bad bureaucracy. He wanted to at least be presentable when he went to go see what kind of mischief Selek was entertaining now.

 

     If he didn’t know any better, Leonard would have been convinced that Jim had sent Selek to him just to make sure their Bones ate crow and finally admit how he’d probably die of loneliness without the Infant around. That or drive Leonard into an early grave.

 

 

Stardate 2261.12   ~  Spacedock (Observation Deck 3)

 

 

     McCoy arrived outside the Observation Deck with a few seconds to spare, making disinterested attempts to gather his faculties. Running on a stomach empty save for a few glasses of Bourbon was unwise. An emergency in Engineering had called him in to unofficially observe despite M’Begna attending. Some fool of a Spacedock tech had tried to naysay Montgomery and re-write a standard patch in a conduit clearly marked by the Scotsman as _Enterprise Crew_ only.

 

     M’Begna had done a hands on job but had needed Leonard to consult as the conduit had been running modified energy. Spacedock Engineering would be short staffed while the Enterprise’s Chief of Engineering gave several fools the lecture of their careers. They’d probably be lucky to ever see the inside of her hulls for the remainder of her stay.

 

     His bio readout triggering the doors, he quickly searched the Observation Deck for Selek. Locating him by one of the vast view ports leading out to a view of the blackness.

 

     Tall, the elderly figure never failed to strike Leonard as someone world weary beyond his years. The stiff Vulcan robes hung from his figure and despite their bulk, Leonard decided in that moment that he would be making adjustments to the man’s meal plan to take into account stress and fatigue.

 

     Moving towards the Ambassador, Leonard felt a calm reach into his core. After that little trip down memory lane revisiting Jim’s Vid and failing to relax after the debriefing, he was going to find time with Selek necessary. Perhaps he could get the Vulcan up to speed on the upgrades he was planning for Sickbay.

 

     Then Selek shifted.

 

     Leonard stopped dead in his tracks and froze. His brain was silently screaming in primal rage as his muscles tensed in a fight response.

 

     Spock was looking out the viewport.

 

     Pure anger clouded his vision for a moment and he threw a look towards Selek that screamed that they would talk about this---all this later.

 

     The younger Vulcan remained silent to their exchange, continuing to stare at the stars. Slender and reed thin, he looked like he could be knocked over with a strong gust of wind fast than he would a fist.

 

     Leonard switched into CMO mode when he started calculating noticeably visual symptoms. Spock was not just showing signs of grief or distress. He resembled the physic of a Vulcan nearly at the brink of starvation from prolonged exposure. He had read once in the Med about a Vulcan tradition about sending their children at a certain age out into the desert on a Right of Passage.

 

     Damned if he could remember the name of it now but if he could bet money on it, Leonard would say Spock looked more like he had been dehydrated and starved.

 

     Despite his approach and wordless greeting to Selek, Spock remained motionless. Frozen and brittle like nothing Leonard had ever seen back during the rescue of the remaining Vulcans.

 

     Even when every part of him wanted to punch the man who had broken his kid brother in a way Leonard had not been able to fix, he found himself wanting to honor Jim. Stepping closer to stand within the space between the two Vulcans, he made his first overture at peace.

 

     “You know for a Hobgoblin, you look like shit.”

 

     Spock did not turn to acknowledge his words or alter appearance.

 

     Perhaps not the best of ways to lead into a conversation after months of separation without their usual peacekeeper present. Switching into CMO mode, Leonard tried again.

 

     “When was the last time you ate or slept?”

 

     Silence was all that greeted the inquiry. Spock did not even appear to have blinked.

 

     Turning to quirk a brow at Selek and then grousing in the manners he had usually reserved for when he had been handling Jim he continued. 

    

     “Spock, Jim would not want this. _Please_. Lets get you patched up and then I promise we will find a way to deal with it all one step at a time.”

 

     Spock flinched at Jim’s name as it rolled off of Leonard’s Georgian-grown accent. However, it was at the entreaty that the statuesque like shoulders slumped. The gesture was so Human-like and reminiscent to Joanna; any desire to fight went out of Leonard’s heart completely.

 

     “He is _gone_.” Spock spoke in a tiny whisper, similar to the tone Joanna would use in confessing her heart’s desires or bitter disappointment. “Jim is _gone_.”

 

     Leonard swallowed hard and felt powerless.

 

     The Vulcan standing before him was not the same XO who had ruled the Bridge and the Departments of the Enterprise with apt care. Gone was the impression of Vulcan resolve that the man had obviously perfected as Jim had clearly indicated in the Vid. Had the loss of their _T’hy’la_ bond truly left such an impact?

 

     No wonder Jim had made the Vid. Perhaps later with Selek’s input, he might play the Vid for Spock if it would not be too traumatic. Perhaps being able to see Jim talking about caring so much about his bondmate might help said bondmate fight. But for right now, Leonard was worried about Spock’s overall health. So, first things first, they would take it one step at a time.

 

     “Well I will have you know that we have some newly programmed meals for Vulcans in the replicators in Sickbay so why don’t the three of us head back to the Enterprise and get you checked out.”

 

     Spock seemed to wish to resist at first only to realize that logic would dictate that if both Selek and Leonard were expressing concern, it was well warranted.

 

     “Lead the way, Doctor.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ND:  Okay, so this is what I have so far. Please don't shoot the writer. It has been SO long between updates and somehow I lost two full .docx with both Bones and Sarek POVs. So, I had to do a bit of backtracking cause I’ve had to write it all from scratch all over again. A twist is coming up and if I hadn’t been delayed with the rewrites, it would have been published sooner. So, I apologize for the delay. So many of you have sent messages asking if I plan on continuing this story and I can promise there ARE more chapters. I might go a bit slower as a writer because I don't have a Beta and RL does get in the way. However, there are chapters for Uhura, Sarek, Scotty, and T'sea in the pipe. So please keep reading. Also let me know if I keep changing Selek and Selik? Can't seem to keep track. Sorry boys!
> 
>  
> 
> My ‘Bones’ fellas were quite upset with me about this chapter and they boycotted the kitchen to make a statement. Trust me, it was painful. I’m a hungry writer who must stuffer the delicious smells coming from Southern Comfort foods.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter End Notes:
> 
> Okay, so this is what I have so far. Please don't shoot the writer. This is the first posting I have ever made and it took hours to write. That said, I am aware that my Grammar is a bit iffy and Formatting will be a good reason to re-write. Depending on Reviews will decide if people get to see more of this particular Spock or if I keep it as a one-shot. Also, in my other drafts of stories I have on my plate, Nyota isn't a villianess. Sometimes, she even saves the day.


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